Some Spirit Release Updates

Not much happening at night that I can remember, but must be chocked full since I'm not feeling rested at all. Assume lots of downloading is taking place these days. Anyway, I'm taking a regular nap everyday from 30 minutes to an hour...and not getting any sleep there either. Most active time of day seems to be around 3pm.

Yesterday, right off...I came face to face with what appeared to be an old Jewish woman. She was very pleasant, but sorta spacey...a flibberty-jibbet of sorts. We were standing in that dark neutral space of mine that I call my "Etheric Waiting Room". She came up, took me by the arm, and manifested us both in the middle of her kitchen. She wanted to feed me, and give me tea, and chat, and chat. Then loads of neighbors came over (all of the Jewish grandmother variety)...and they were all tugging on my energy.

I wasn't sure how to approach the situation of her being dead. I asked if I could see the garden, which all her friends kept going on about. I thought that possibly her manifested world ended at the threshold. It didn't. We walked around for awhile...and I could see where she put a ton of energy into all she busied herself with throughout her days. Also, made me consider that it was my energy that was footing the bill for all of it.

I asked if I could speak to her alone for a moment.

She happily obliged and took me into her dining room. I asked how she was feeling. "Fine, fine my dear", she insisted. I told her to sit down...there was a fragile like quality about her, and a closeness that caused me to be courteous and gentle. I asked her how she felt about me. She went for a while about how much she adored being friends with me, how I inspired her, and how much we had in common. How thrilled she was that I'd finally come to visit! She wasn't making the situation easy, so I had to just blurt it out. I told her her palce was beautiful, her world was beautiful, and how I was sure she was very attached to it, and loved it...but...it wasn't real. She cocked her head. I told her she was dead. She didn't respond at first...processing my words; then she broke into tears.

I sat beside her and held her. Then she was no longer an old Jewish woman, but a mature (less older) black woman. Sort of confused me at first. It didn't take long for her death to register. She explained that her husband had been cheating on her, and was leaving her...so she took his gun and shot herself in the head. She held her and said it hurt. She said that she had worked for an older Jewish woman...and had always admired her so much...her wealth, status, friends, and happiness. She wanted to be so much like her....thoughtful and giving, with a beautiful home for people to enjoy themselves in...for people that wanted to stay forever. So, when she died she took on that persona. I told her she'd done a fabulous job, and praised her for a good while...during this time the friends who were occupying the kitchen, had all moved one by one into the dining room with us, and were listening to me explain her situation. They were all whispering and wondering if they were dead as well.

I had to explain to her that she was a very kind, very sweet woman...BUT, that she was making my life difficult for me; that she was using my energy to exist as she was and that it wore me down, and made it hard for me to do accomplish the things I needed in my life. She understood and as very apologetic. I began to get emotional, probably absorbing what she was experiencing...but it was causing me to wake up...and I hadn't yet worked to release her. It took a lot for me to stay in and keep explaining the process to her.

I told her that I helped people reunite with their families. That there was another place much better then the place she was at (if she could believe it)...and that she was free to go there if she wanted. It was the first time I've given an attachment of mine the option of staying around. I told her she could think about more if she wanted, take her time with it, and that when she was ready I'd help her cross over.
I told her to close her eyes, and look through the darkness to see if there was anyone out there she recognized. She found her mother, which she seemed most overjoyed about....who she was the closest with. She was anxious to go. I explained that whenever she was ready to she could move on her own...that she didn't need me to help her (fearing that any moment I would fully wake up). I told her all she had to do was take her mothers hand, and let go of her all her connections to this place.

I did wake up, but I can stay in trance long enough (if I remain completely still and hold on to the energy...till I fall back into the same place). When I did...the old woman was holding 'my' hand...and we were walking across the large garden to an area where there was a black family sitting on the porch of another house. They immediately gathered around her as family. So...I thought that was good sign, that possibly I was being taken along for the meeting...to pass her over to her folks. Then I realized that entire family was trapped in the astral realm as well. They weren't all attachments of mine (like the neighbors)...it was some sort of crossed field or community..a foster situation of sorts...hard to explain. There were at least a dozen children of various ages. and a few adults that called the old woman 'mom'.

I had to go through the entire process again...with the oldest of the group. She was of course shocked to find out that they were all dead, but she admitted it explained a lot of things. I was going to work on releasing the entire family. I've never done a such a large release, but I couldn't see where it would be anymore difficult. Except...the old grandmother was missing! When I inquired to her whereabouts...they said she'd gone back home. :? A moment of empathy, and I didn't want to release the only family this woman had...and I was already on the verge of waking up...so there wasn't much I could do. I explained the process again, and that they didn't need me to pass over into a 'freer' zone of existence. Then I was awake.

Awake and thinking what an extremely odd job I have. I thought...what would a normal person do if someone just showed up out of nowhere and told them they were "DEAD"?!? How weird would that be? I'm like the Angel of Death I thought. I go and tell people that their lives are over, and I'm gonna help them cross over to the other side. I thought...there has to be a better way to explain it! Something less scary, but isn't that was Azrael does? Tries and makes it less freaky!?! Then I had to sit and think awhile about whether or not these attachments are really doing much harm? Some do; some are nasty as all get out! But the sweet ones...or the children. Just wonder I guess...on another level...if releasing them to "the light" is really what I think it is!??! What if it's not? What if it's a rouse? A trap? That would be terrible!!! :?

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Black Barbed-wire worms, natives, and release.

I took quick nap yesterday. I was in some native american village...a town.
I wandered around a short bit, but energetically everything was a blur, till
I came to an open-market. The next thing I remember I was sitting on a blanket
with two younger men (brothers)...both doing crafts. One was making beautiful
moccasins, and I remember turning the way I was sitting so I could show him the
ones I wore. I said, "I made them", although I merely manifested them in the moment.
He complimented them. The feeling overall was good...to be sitting with artists, watching
them create...felt 'perfect' for me.

I can't remember what happened from that point to the next, but the next thing I remember
I was hunched down and pulling an ent from within me. I believe there was something about
the environment that 'intrigued' it...and it was peeking out from my mouth. Unconsciously, as
I can't help but do...I grabbed hold it and began pulling. There's always that 'euphoric' release
that comes with pulling them out. One the other-hand (once outside me) it's a very painful
process to endure. Normally these ents/negs are like huge worms' sometimes slippery and
squid-like, sometimes like snakes....all various colors ranging from warm-tones of white, to muddy grays, and dark browns. This was on jet black, and looked exactly like barbed-wire.
It cut into my hands, and burned as if excreting a strong acid. There is always a massive
amount of electricity pulsing through these things, and grabbing hold of one is like grabbing
bare, hot wires.


The first ent I pulled out was fairly easy. There was three in total. The Native men I'd been watching early, were now watching me...hunched over on my knees with a tight handful of
this twisted, black, barbed creature. I noticed that the men were younger now...in their teens.
One walked up to me and took the mass from my hands. He smiled at me, as if to say that he
was fit to take it, that he understood. I trusted him without thought...and he carried the ent
off through the crowd of the market. Seconds later...as a I sat exhausted, another ent moved
from my mouth...searching for the one that was missing. This one was even shorter...maybe
three feet. I grabbed it by the tail, as it floated out of my mouth; and quickly balled it up. The
other boy wanting to help like his brother had...took the second ent and walked off through the crowd.

Seconds later (again), the third ent moved out....this was the longest and most powerful. I was
pulling and yanking on it, but wondering more where the boys were going? I wanted to dispose
of this one as well, so I needed to follow them...see what they knew. So, I'm keeping my eye on the second boy in the distance, weaving through crowds, down small lanes, and alleys, and yanking this thing from within me all at once. The first boy had been gone for awhile now, but the second boy walked up to a tavern/pub. I was a few hundred feet away. He stopped and something to the man guarding the door...then turned away sadly. I barely had the energy to
move, but I stumbled closer...wanting to catch up with the boy. At that time a man appeared from the crowd, and asked him if he was looking for his grandfather. The boy said 'yes'. He told him to return to the door...to wait to make eye-contact with his grandfather within; that they would not let him enter otherwise.

I was steps from the door now, when the grandfather came out and saw me. The typical wise, medicine-man/grandfather...with all seeing-eyes. He drew a long blue glass pipe from nowhere, put one end in his mouth, and the other end in mine...and blew smoke into the space that the ent was coming from. This caused it to react strangely...it began twisting, and heaving...that caused me to start gagging, and heaving as if I was going to throw-up. I probably should have thrown up, but while all this was going on...I was very aware that I was laying on the livingroom couch.
Plus, by now I was hardly asleep....with the exhaustion, and my roommate stomping around, and flipping channels on the television...I just couldn't stay with it.

I woke up on the third of fourth gag...with such disappointment. I did manage to keep holding on the thing. I refused to let go my grip, even once I was awake. And, I thanked them all for their service. There's still always that strong voice inside (when I'm working these things out of me) that say's..."you will die if they're removed". That's a glitch that works to wake me up, and with all I understand...I can't say whether that's the truth or not. I just don't know.

I do know that there is that euphoric, absolutely clean, peaceful feeling that washes through me when one is being removed, but the thought is...."what is that feeling "worth" to me? death? :/

Otherwise the worms within have been quite up till now, and I haven't seen them in others as much. Not sure if they're just laying low, or being permanently removed one-by-one?!? I did have a dream a few days back where I was standing in one of the infamous corridor systems that always looks to me like the worlds largest and most complex airports, but with no-windows.
And millions upon millions of people were all ushering in one direction. Normally they're all moving ever which way. I found something that looked like an information desk...and asked the women there what was going on. "A monumental event", she said. She couldn't tell me anymore then that. I kept trying to get more out of her, but she'd just smile. Then I got the strong feeling that all these 'souls' were being RELEASED...that they were going home. Everyone looked very happy, and excited. I asked her (carefully)..."are all these people going to the same place"? She smiled again. "Is it a good place"? She nodded, and said..."very good".

So, being the recluse that I am...I haven't noticed a change with the outside world, but I'm hoping that's the case. That are large number of souls have been freed, and it will lend to some
progress here & now.

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more synchronicity

watched two movies last night. mirrormask, and ultraviolet.
all i knew about either of them was one was about a girls dreamworld, and one was based on some comic book i'd never heard of.

both blew me away.

first, the "tentacled" shadow creatures and spiders from mirrormask that take over the dreamland, and the soul swapping between the girls...through the portal of the mirror(mask).
that was bizarre enough.

next...ultraviolet turns out to be vampire/hemophage...fighting against evil to save the lives of humans with her super-powers. it's actually the flat-space technology/dimensional compression of weapons and tools, through a thin wrist-bands she wears on both arms...that really freaked me out. same ability i have in my dreams...and have never been able to figure out where that idea came from. i've never read ultra-violet. the closest thing i've been able to compare it to thus far had been 'spiderman' with his wrist-web ability. another comic book!?! on top of that the bizarre dream of being told i was morbious' daughter...waking up to have no idea if that was a real name, and googling it only to find out...not only is it actually the name of a vampiric overlord, but it comes from another comic book character that's related to the spiderman series.

what the hell sorta sense am i suppose to make of that? and who on earth is going to take me seriously?!? not that i care about being serious, and not i don't believe that there's a lot of information stashed/stored inside the unassuming little paperbacks...(have always been). it's just that it makes it practically impossible to connect/relate to others on the subject. so, i'm left doing what i always have to do...gain understanding and information from other dimensions and keep it to myself.

google vampires...and only garbage comes up. vampire groups, vampire games, vampire fiction, vampire movies. google morbious and it leads to comic collector sites, and pictures. google vampire city...nothing. it's frustrating is all. if i was to google angels, or gods, higher-selves, or ascended masters....there'd be shitload of sites going on about direct contact with these 'beings', but google astral parasites, etheric squid, or vampires...and there's hardly anything close to intellectual; to bite into and chew on. oh well.

and i suppose some people out there would see that as an untapped market, for books or a website, but...i just want to read over other peoples ideas and experiences on the matter, to gain more insight on the larger picture and there isn't anything. five/six years ago...i was googling demonic astral attacks and nothing was coming up either. maybe i just have wait?!?

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Vampyre Queen (of Heaven) ?!?

Anyone remember that blip I posted weeks back about being the daughter of Morbious?!? That was weird, but since then it's been added to...more blips of info here and there about not having a choice in the matter, being some sort of vampire royalty, and just little things that weren't part of anything else. Messengers coming in the night, between sleeping, between dreams.

Anyway...

Last night I was attacked by a group of vampires. Nothing new. It started out in the outskirts of Vampire City, but for the first time it was sunset, which threw me. I didn't get where I was at first; there's never been light before. Anyway. I was walking through this beautiful little neighbourhood, when a group of four or five gathered behind, following me. I was approaching a church, and some voice out nowhere said, "go inside where it's safe"...so I did. Was a little odd that everyone inside the church was black; at the same time in my heart...I feel much more comfortable around a black congregation then I do a white one...less uptight I guess. The group from the street followed me in, but waited in the wings.

I don't know why the situation raised my instincts, but it did. I knew I was in a 'not good' position. I suppose it was just a sense, and the way everyone watched me walk around, like they knew something I didn't. I was looking at the stained glass windows of angels...all getting darker, and darker, as the sun quickly set outside. I needed to get back outside...get out of what I knew was now...Vampire City. I felt cornered in the church. One door after another, and just lead into another large room...as is typical architecture in the city. One way in, and lots of no ways out; god for wearing out the tourists!

In the long run I was trapped, and I don't remember much at that point cuz my human nature gets into this frantic, focused on escaping mode, where I'm moving so quickly through walls, and sets, that I'm not at all paying attention. I was cornered and there was a guy (the head guy from the group) that was bitting into my neck...in this intense embrace. Point is...it felt good. Most, I remember how completely relaxed my body felt, how I haven't remembered feeling like that for a long, long time. I was into that feeling, but at the same time I was sure I wanted this guy off me...but I couldn't raise my arms to push him off. My body was so limp, and sedate...I couldn't do anything. I managed to shift my weight to get away, or..he finished?!? I'm not sure. Either way...the common theme the last few months has been the same....the catch me, and I get bit, or 'changed'. The only reason this is strange to me is bcuz the last six years that I've been dealing with vampires exclusively...I've always managed to get away unscathed.
no longer.

All my experiences prior to this one...I'd come to just as I was being bitten...this time I didn't, and I went through a profound change in energy. It wasn't immediate/all at once, but it was quick, and in definite stages. First my body became incredibly hot...and where moments earlier had been drained/tired...I suddenly had boundless energy, but not an all over the place, static energy...it was sharp, and solid, and was pouring into me as quickly as it was pouring out, and it didn't take long to factor that this energy could be utilized/wielded to accomplish *anything*. I barely even thought that I wanted to get out of the church...and I rose up with incredible strength and speed, crashing through these massive beams and woodwork overhead. Normally I morph through solid object, which requires that I twist my vibration one way or the other...to synchronize myself with whatever I'm moving through, be it earth, stone, wood, whatever. It doesn't a take a lot of effort, but some. This move required none. There was no merging to be done by me...and even if the roof of the church had wanted to change it's vibration to avoid being torn up...it was too slow. I was soaring upwards through into the sky, as if I had wings. Huge wings with a span of 20 feet. It was amazing. It was like...I "had" to use them. It felt good, and normal, and free. Except...I didn't really have wings; when I looked there was nothing there, but......I could feel them!

I was flying so fast that my clothes were tearing off my body, and I was naked when I landed.......in what felt like the ground of some massive palace. I flew there directly without thought...as if returning to someplace familiar. Maybe the way someone with amnesia eventually finds their way home? Anyway.
When I landed I wanted answers. I remember I was insistent about that...I was loud, and going on in a funny and commanding tone..."First of all...I'm dreaming, I'm out of my body, and this is Vampire City...correct!?!?! I'm not stupid! I want some god damn answers! I want to know what's going on, right now!!!" silly.
Then, what appeared to be a homeless, crazy old man walked past me mumbling something. I didn't catch it, but I knew it was for me....."What? What did he just say?!?" No one answered. I caught up with him and stopped him..."What did you just say to me?!?" He threw me a glance over his shoulder, and then turned away, and simply said again..."If it comes from heaven...what matters about how it appears?" and he walked off. I'm still rolling that over in my mind.

The rest is strange. There was a coronation in my honor (post manifesting some clothes) and lots of extraordinarily happy people walking around whispering and staring. I wasn't too into what others were doing. I was consumed with this feeling of empowerment that had nothing to do with the exterior goings on, but was a spilling out from inside me. At the same time I knew things without thinking. I knew the plague of 'my people', their sadness and woes, their struggles. I knew there was something that interfering with their simple way of life.
I knew I was key...in solving that....in setting things right.

I also kept checking to make sure I was me, which sounds strange, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't becoming someone else. I also keep checking to make sure I was alive...and not dead. So, I kept opening eyes, moving limbs, etc. but..it was me. I was being lead here and there in automatic mode as all these various thoughts ran through my mind. Eventually I was lead into some huge open arena...something like one would see in India I guess. A massive square, where people gather to listen to great minds, pray, or something?!? There was a sea of people waiting (I could see them through the sheer curtains that made the backdrop for the stage). The entire thing was being televised, and there was some dude on the stage...all dressed in white...something like a televangelist who was readying the crowd. There was no fear, no anxiety, and strangest of all there was 'absolutely' no sense of intimidation or DOUBT in my mind about me, about what I was doing.

I remember a woman standing beside me, pointing up at a set of surveillance cameras backstage. I didn't know what they were for, but I through up my middle finger, and gave a big, cheesy grin...and in the middle of this guys sermon......the crowd erupted in uncontrollable cheer. They went nuts! So, I was being watched...all the time, everywhere I went...I was the "news". I guess I was supposed to wait for a cue to walk out, but I didn't. I walked straight out onto the stage, and grabbed some small guitar like instrument from the orchestra that was near the back...and walked up to the guy in white and stood beside him. I through him off, but it seemed his talent was in juggling things like that. A con artist...I knew right away. Playing the audience, and spewing bullshit. Those were my thoughts about him, but again...it came without thinking. I just knew. Every single person I looked at...I just knew them inside out.

He tried to play me into his spheel, but I wouldn't allow it. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I kept it clean, and simple...I know that. I know the people loved me. They were conditioned to embrace me, but they loved me more then that; then what was conditioned. Like...they 'knew' me also. Like, they'd been waiting for me for a long time....something honest, and intelligent, and trustworthy. Something for them.

I walked off stage early, and proceeded to walk around the entire grounds...healing people, fixing stuff. From the little bits I gathered from the opening ceremony...it was big talk about a "new world"...about new construction of new cities, and more opportunities, and increased perfection...and more happy times...yada, yada, yada. Out with the old and in with the new world order. But...none of resonated with me. I walked around repairing the ancient structures...old statues, and temples, homes, and tea gardens. It was hands-on healing in a neat tai chi sort of dance....swinging my palms around and energy just pouring and shifting things back to their original state. I healed people I was drawn to. Normally...with hands on healing I can do two, maybe three a night...but I must have repaired at least a dozen people, and a dozen more structures.

I should note that the majority of people in the palace area were Chinese. Not sure why that is?!?

At one point in my walking around...I stumbled upon another ceramony....some large party of people in park, also being televised. They were surprised and welcoming, but the female m.c. was a bitch. I remember at that point I was playing around, having fun with myself....I changed my outfit at will. I made my hair long and tussley. I made it red. At that moment the women walked up with her microphone in hand and was laughing at me, telling me that red wasn't my color. So, I changed it blond...and she laughed more, bcuz the spot lighting over-headed made it look green...I got the same feeling about her that I did the other guy. An insecure, bullshit artist. It's not so much that the patheticness made me want to crush them. I didn't feel an ounce of aggression in my body. I just wanted to suppress them in sight of everyone. I wanted to make it clear that they were idiots...and not at all people that should be listened to. I changed my hair color to match hers...and the crowd laughed, when she said it was 'mousy' and still unflattering against the lighting. So...I blew out all the lights with a swing of my hand, and everyone shut up. Now it's just silly details, but fun, and exhilarating! I just spent the entire night fulfilling this new obligation as Queen Whatever.

I woke up and went to the bathroom, and feel back to sleep and picked up where I left off. I woke up several times, and each time I feel back asleep...it was the same position.

It was all very cool. And also disturbing since I still always have that deep questioning about things. Is it a ploy?!? Am I being played?!? I can't say for sure. Although, I will admit whole-heartedly that it's a VERY attractive position...to have irrepressible, unwavering power over most everything, and at the same time know that I do posses the understanding to not allow myself to be tricked by it...or allow it shift control where I'm being enticed by it...into something other then I believe it is. Something like that. That I can utilize it wisely.

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Spread Thin

Thinking about the Internet...what it provides, what it generates...how we respond to it.
The Internet is a natural, simple thing unto itself. It's what we do with it, how we work with it. It's how we behave inside it's environment. And, it's a good representation of how we 'inter'-act with the world (on this planet).

We all spread ourselves too thin! We dilute our quality of life. We do that.

I've moved so far away from so many things. The distance has allowed me a clearer perspective. Words have become strange things. I can speak to others from this clearer place, but it then it causes 'tension' for one side or the other, and since my nature is STO...I find I always work to absorb the tension. I know what it is. I see it all in elemental state. I can work with easier. I can utilize flux, reverberation, distortion. I am the artist.

But it's extra work on my part, and the act is 'enabling' on another part.....and I see that as well.
I see so much. Too much maybe.


I move into a conversation, and I hear comments like, "Don't worry, it's Friday", or "I can't believe it's Monday"...what does that mean? My roommate asked me this morning, "Did you sleep well?" I said, "I don't know". She asked, "What time did you go to bed?" I said, "I don't know". I don't know! I don't know how those things are important. I don't keep track of that stuff. I don't know how to utilize it. Time of the day, day of the week, categories, and definitions... all hang in the air for me. But, what do I do? I allow myself to be played by it. I give in to it in an attempt to ease the other person, and have them feel comfortable. I want to make them feel 'significant', but........... :?

I say, "Oh, shit. Is it Friday already? Man the week flew by!"

I lower the bar. I meet people on that level. I wont' say..."their level", bcuz I don't think of it as a place they belong to. It's a grade...like kindergarten. It's a place like 'recess'. It's a place between classes, where the goal is to avoid important work, avoid the groups that are different, drag in as much stuff as one prefers, and leave behind everything that makes one uncomfortable. And then I come along with no regard for these behaviours, and I see how it causes tension.

My children are weak because I do too much for them. My brothers and sisters are confused bcuz I work to ease them, rather then wake them up. My elders are lost, bcuz I've never been able to figure out how to make them take me seriously. On all levels I look around and I see where I could do more...by approaching all things more authentically. I lower myself to everyone around me...to allow them to think, act, behave however they wish, bcuz all that tension is too much. Even in my own little world; this one small circle...it spreads me too thin.

Of course...there's always another way of looking at it all. I'd be lucky to take one person under my wing and teach them all I know. I'd be lucky if that person was me! If I was engrossed enough in my own class, in my own studies...then all work would be through 'example'! Still, why is there something in my head about having to have the rest keep up? Why am I concerned with that? Why do I move aside into a zone of waiting? And from that zone why do I believe I can influence others, or curb the effects, and reactions? Work to keep everyone focused. Every move like that limits me.

So...I'm trapped in the system. I walked out, but I come back constantly to try and inspire, but things aren't set up for that. The system is designed to cancel out all that information from outside it's control...and in that...it works to cancel me out if I don't leave it all at the gate when I come back in. But...that's leaving "me" at the gate (the sum of who I am). So, I walk in empty and I try so hard...it takes so much energy, so much intent, so much focus to work with what's available here. To make art out of what's in the box...it's always gonna come out cynical, and harsh, and be filled with triggers for the 'conditioned' soul. It always stinks of 'propaganda' from the 'otherside'. And...typically the work is rejected. I'm rejected. And...the rejection doesn't bother me that much, except for that fact that "I AM A COLLABORATOR". I've accepted that.

As long as there are others around, even at a distance...I'm always going to be thinking how we can work together. I can't think any other way. Collaboration is the most logical group action/activity. But, in an STS system it doesn't work. People are more then happy to have you work with them to achieve their goals, but then they're never available to help you reach yours.
And there's a ton of manipulation that plays out in that dance...typically where the Tom Sawyers like to paint the picture that they're helping 'you' out, which for whatever reason is underlying the perspective...makes it very clear right from the start that 'you're involvement is in no way appreciated'. Even when you're busting your ass or bending over backwards. It never registers as such. It can't! God forbid they ever feel that they OWE anyone, anything! I think the word is USURPER!

My main functions can't be applied inside the box...or they're gobbled up so quickly by the starving that whatever I bring is never enough...and I can easily get distracted by feeding the masses!!! I think any STO does.

I need to change things up again. I need to walk in with my head high, my energy full blown and centered on me. I need to speak my mind, and leave it at that...let other people find their way to where I'm coming from...not always rush up to guide them, or explain. A prologue to myself doesn't help!!! I have to find the ability to laugh at the students, rather then feel pity for their ignorance. Everyone is in such a wonderful, adventurous time in their lives. In order for me to appreciate and enjoy where they're coming from...I have to embody myself fully. I must practice what I know, be who I am...open up...so the tension doesn't touch me. I'm not sure how I came to the point of thinking that being on the receiving end, and catching it...helps? How I came up with the idea that sticking my hands in the vortex to catch something of the cycle and smooth it out would in someway do anything beneficial. All it does is rip my arms off. And wanting sympathy or understanding for that is ridiculous.

I need to move out of the ridiculous immature cycle of life, and spend some time filling out the goddess that I've neglected!!! So that I might be able to take time off and enjoy myself with some childlike enthusiasm. Right now...I'm taking it all too seriously!
But, not as seriously as before now! ;)

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chase & hunt.
big ogre looking guys.
hiding behind broken wall, under stairs. made myself invisible, but only partially. only the bottom half of me that was exposed.
other (top) half. attacked by snakes. red snakes. like coral snakes but different.
mouth like a cottonmouth. thousands of tiny teeth. latched on. almost chewing. injecting in some chemical venom like electricity that triggered some ancient automatic ritual in me.

next thing. walking somewhere arid. egyptian. down thin streets. to a temple. everywhere i went these red snakes came out of hiding and attacked me. not a malicious attack, but with complete intention. in the same automatic mode.

the temple entrance was ground level. foyer. all white washed. with smooth white steps leading underground into the worshiping area. in the foyer i began gagging on felt like phlegm. thick, viscous liquid. i leaned over to vomit, and a clear stream of it began oozing from my mouth, peppered with millions of small globuals. like fish eggs. transparent balls about the size of peas with small blue bead-like centers. the stream just kept coming making it impossible to breath. it ran down the entire staircase, and flooded the temple beneath.

something drew me down the stairs following the flow. the temple was being used as a daycare. while i was still throwing up the embryonic soup...i gagged out words, commanding that they get all the children out of the building immediately. by the time everyone was out there was a good 6 inches of eggs on the temple floor. next about a half dozen cats entered, and began throwing up kittens....coated in the same clear lubricant. they had a soft, thin cover of fur, but their eyes were still closed. before my eyes they grew to full size, and began throwing up their own babies.
cats, and blue egg soup.

one of the cats jump up and latched onto my wrist in the same manner as the red snakes. bitting on tight with a chewing, sucking, injecting movement. i knelled down watching everything and another cat went for my other wrist, but this one took it's razor sharp claws and made three long incisions lengthwise down the softness of my wrist. both cats released, and blood poured from both my arms, mixing with the eggs on the floor.

the eggs mixture began to crawl and seep into the ground. at the same time a man at the head of the temple rose up out of the floor. dark and egyptian looking with fine features, and that deep, echoy voice. he came to me and helped me up. asking me if there was anything i wanted.
a host of things ran through my head...immortality, riches, fame, success, etc. i said, "to be the healer that i know i am"...he looked strangely at me. replied..."do better each day, and continue with what you're doing". not as profound as i expected, but...simple. sensible. then he began singing some strange rock song...something with the words..."i am jesus at the end of the world. i am jesus at the end of the world". then he began yelling loudly at no one in particular...as if speaking to everyone at once in one loud, commanding voice...."don't change anything! don't change the world! don't change the world!" the feeling was that doing anything excessive or extreme would lead to our end as a human race. or...worse.

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Flying/Fleeing Fiancée to Wild Warrior Woman

Just crawled out of an interesting trance...as follows.

I was standing on a sand dune, looking out over an assembling regatta (?) of brightly colored twin prop planes. Old planes, stretched and stitched with canvas, some in wood veneer, all with open cockpits...all lined along the top of one dune, maybe 60 planes.

I was dressed in garb that would date the experience to the early 1900. My dress was constraining, and hot, layers within layers, more stitching, too many buttons. The heat made my head spin, made the ground dance, and come alive in swirling, translucent patterns. I wasn't thinking about much. Felt 'empty-headed', not so much from the heat, but more from 'training', or good upbringing. A man walked up by my side and took me firmly by the arm; his entire appearance and demeanor repulsed me. Entirely dressed in black, from top hat to hard-polished shoes, finished off with a black cane, and gloves. There was nothing to see of him except for his face...his stern, evil, grimacing face, and black shark eyes. He was upset with me (again).

This time something was different. I'm not sure what I'd done previously to this point, but he wanted nothing more then to kill me, but very sophisticated control of his emotions. He walked me down behind a fleet a cars, and trucks that had transported the mass of people into the middle of the sweltering desert, and I let him despite being in fear for my life...yet it was an odd fear...it wasn't as strong as my need to get away from him for good, forever. So, the idea of him killing me felt more like a solution at the time. He got me alone, wrapped his gloved hands around my throat, and began strangling me slowly. For a good, long, enjoyable (on his part) while...he went on about how I was to behave if he "let me live", how I had no say whatsoever in my happenings, and what he wouldn't stand for once we were married. It was all very dreamy, until something overtook me.............and I kneed him in the groin. He feel to knees in the sand, dropping his cane, which I picked up and laid down hard against the side of his head knocking him unconscious.

Then I ran like hell....which wasn't so very fast in my get-up, on the hot, loose sand.

I ran, an ran till I reached the runway where the planes were already moving slowly in precession, one behind the other...rolling along, readying for take off. I ran up on a crimson plane, oddly designed, very large, and open-concept. It had a cockpit towards the back that housed the pilot, and a two small rows of seating up front for passengers. The entire thing was (almost) grossly ornate, with gilding, and button-tuck cushions. The front seat had only man seated on a three person bench, the row behind held the owners...a man and woman. I jumped (more threw) myself onto the front bench and held on for dear life, to which the passengers were none to happy. They tried their best to 'reason' me off the plane, going on about weight capacity...but the pilot seeing me in tears gave in, just to get everyone settled again.

I was ready to breath a sigh of relief, when I was spotted by my Fiances right-hand man, who was following along with the crowd and the planes that were slowly motoring down the runway. Obviously, he knew me well enough to know something was afoot...probably that I was alone. Next thing I knew he was mounting the plane as well, and attempting to wrestle me off of it...to which the passengers (my oblivious rescuers) were no help at all. I had a beaded purse hanging off my wrist. I noticed it when I took the cane that was still in my hand, and clubbed the maniac over the head with it, knocking him loose from the plane. When he feel back into the sand...he grabbed my purse, and the whole thing tore apart...sending tiny beads and a massive wad of cash into the air. (Maybe that's what all the fuss was about?)
Enough cash it appeared to completely take this guys mind off of my escape.

We flew for awhile, and still my mind wasn't working, but the air felt good, the speed, the height, the excitement was good, and healthy, and so new to me. I remember thinking, "I'm an eagle" over and over again in my head, but other then that it was empty. Empty save for a tiny little thought that was building about "him finding me", and how I was going to stop that from happening? We touched down in some grassland, where there was a small trading post, and refueling station. The goal was to refill, and head back from whence we came. I wasn't going back of course! Anywhere, but back.

There was a large group of Natives, some on horseback, some on foot that were in the area buying and selling goods. I caught the eye of one of the native men, or...he caught mine. He walked around me several times, studying me closely. I didn't care, but I didn't take my eyes off him. When the plane left me alone at this base...I became of more interest to the other native men who had finished their business, and easing into downtime...began circling me as well, but with a very different energy. They poked and prodded at me like a circus animal, making loud barking noises to scare me, and watch me react. The circle got tighter, and the prodding a little more hand-happy. The first native man to approach me was now standing off on his own, watching with interest because I wasn't reacting to any of it.

I'm sure by accident I was knocked to the ground, and this seemed to wild the bunch more, as they moved in impossibly closer, and hovered over me like prey. My mind was still in some strange lock-down mode that limited me from reacting, but I was also still in full-on survival mode from the earlier happenings. I noticed that a knife was tied around the calves of each of the men, and without thought...I reached, and pulled one free, and took a long swing of my arm cutting three across their bellies. Surprise, surprise! Shocked me as well.

They all jumped back for a moment, but they didn't stop. Just...regrouped. The ones who weren't cut were laughing. The ones who were tried to get the knife off me, surprisingly with no luck. I managed to get a few more good stabs in; sloppy and non-mortal, and a few of them managed the same with me, but I didn't give up. Eventually they decided to let me keep the knife. It was the original man eying me...who stepped up and took the knife from my hand, and lead me quiet, and bleeding to a horse. Next thing I was at the village.

I was transfered into the possession of a group of women, who took me into a standing shack made of thin branches, laced together, and managed to half undressed me. It had the feeling of a shower house, but with no shower. More of a sweat-lodge. I stood off to the side watching the women chew up handfuls of bright green leaves. They'd take mouthfuls of water, and then spit the mixture on each other and themselves, and on the bed of hot rocks cradled by red hot coals. Lots of hissing and giggling going on. It wasn't that I wasn't fascinated by the ritual...I just wasn't "there". I think they thought I was a stupid white woman. I turned to walk out of the place, as they all took turns spitting on me as I passed. I was completely topless...I don't think an acceptable fashion for the times, even amoung natives?!? I didn't care. I walked out into the middle of the camp, and spied a lake...and started making my way to it. I just wanted to lie down in cool water and never get up.

There were lots of people staring, but no one stopped me. And, that man again...following me with his eyes....somehow protecting me I felt. Everything still feeling like a dream, what my eyes feel upon at the lake didn't startle me, but made me feel more ill. There was a much smaller camp set beside the lake that belonged to a group of white men....cowboys maybe; more thugs. The men (maybe a dozen) were lined along the bank being serviced by teenage native boys, and a few in the water, on the rocks...were having sex with some teenage girls. It didn't seem to be too much of a problem. The feeling I was getting was that the natives didn't interfere. To each their own, but I sensed something more perverse. I didn't at all like the idea that these white men were corrupting these "natural" peoples, and into auto-mode again...(and topless) :P I picked up a leather tube/satchel thing filled with arrows (incredibly sharp, metal heads...pounded thin, and ragged). I assumed it belonged to one of the young native boys.

Without thinking I cinched it around my waist so I was carrying the arrow on my front. I grabbed one arrow in each hand; by then I was standing in the shallows in front of the men....who were more then a little shocked by my presence....and very much missing the point of why I was there.

The only thing they saw was tits...and more yelping and dog calling ensued, breaking up the sodomy that was going on. One got up to approach me, and I stepped up to meet him...shoving the arrow into his side as hard as I could! This changed the scene again...as all the men jumped to their feet. They were naked, and without weapons. As fast as they could scramble about, I was on them shoving arrows into whatever soft parts I could reach. I managed to wound four pretty badly, but again...not without being wounded myself. Since bags of arrows seemed to be the closest thing in reach...that's what I got back. One shoved in my right breast, one in the right side of my shoulder, where it meets my neck, and one in my left side under my arm. That's when a few native men (including my protector)...stepped in and broke it up. Again, I was led off...this time to a group of medicine elders.

As I moved in and out of consciousness...I saw sacred animals dancing around me in the dark, flames of a fire, smoke. I heard drums and chanting, and rattles. Then I surfed through a large chunk of time. I stayed with the natives...that was the way "he wouldn't find me". He didn't find me. I also became somewhat of a local legend. The crazy white woman who can't stand injustice. Several other episodes of me coming 'unglued' raced through my mind. I was respected by the elders as a warrior reincarnate, because I could wield any weapons without training or practice...because I had no fear for my own life. I gained the respect of my people. I never married, or had children. I mostly kept to myself...very quiet; always in contemplation. Always watchful of any signs of danger to anyone, and always ready to place myself between.

The last part of the experience was stranger still. In fast-forward...I watched the village change. I watched all the 'natural' natives become overrun by modern natives. The clothes changed from leather to denim, to synthetics. The tipi's to trailers. The horses to cars. The sacred rituals into commercial pow-wows with vender's and big-rigs, and side-shows.

The last confrontation I had was at one such gathering. I was wondering around feeling lost, and somewhat lonely, out of place...yearning for the natural way. I was walking behind two drunken native men who were following a group of teenage native girls from a dance group. They were calling out and harassing them in a manner that didn't agree with me. I was an old lady by then. Invisible. I followed them for a time till the men grew more abusive...then I lifted up my shirt, and reached for a spread of throwing knives I had strapped across my belly, and I threw it directly, exactly into the neck of one of the men. No warning. No guilt, but gaining tons of reaction!

The crowd dispersed and the two men stood in shock...quickly trying to sober up. I began questioning them about their behavior. The got angry, and tried to move towards me, and each time they did...they got another knife stuck firm. I wasn't trying to kill them...just hurt them; teach them some respect in a manner that might register. It was all broken up though, by two younger natives that came and ushered me off....trying to talk some sense into me...how I just couldn't keep going around attacking people 'anymore'. The elders that were in the crowd smiled at me knowingly. I didn't mind so much being patronized by these young men, but it wasn't going to stop me from continuing my point.

"Cunts. They called them "Sweet Cunts". They said, "Boy, I'd like to get into those sweet cunts, and mess them up"...did you hear them? No one should talk to women like that! No one should talk to anyone like that when I'm around. I had to teach them better!" The boys just nodded in agreement and tried to keep from laughing...and I was thinking, "My days as a warrior are over. No one needs my wisdom anymore".

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333

i can still remember the first time i was called "soldier #333" astrally. by a group of women who i'm somehow connected to. fellow rebels. i was being hunted down by the reptilians, and eventually i couldn't go any longer. i had to rest. they caught me, and i remember them scanning me with these devices they wore on their forearms. they discussed the results a little, some of it i could telepathically pick up on. they said i wouldn't do, they couldn't use me, bcuz i contained the genetic make up of "all" or "one". they kept using the word interchangeably, and they were also very taken back by the results...like they'd heard of 'us', but never come across one = someone that contained every alien signature. they were suddenly treating me with kid gloves, but still deciding if there wasn't some use for me. it was clear i was somehow 'valuable', and they were interested in cashing in on that, but at the same time it was clear that it was 'wrong' for them to fuck with me.

by then i had regained my strength, and the escape was somewhat of a battle. that's when the female platoon appeared to me. all human looking. various creeds. they placed a device on the ground that created some sort of rift or energy vortex, and had me step inside it, and i was shown all my lives...can't say past...as some were future, some were simultaneous. but there were thousands of 'me'. then they told me my name, and something about 'special purpose'.
that was so long ago now, but it's all still clear in my mind. just like every other experience.

anyway. i just had a similar experience in trance. i was surrounded by various women who all appeared to be 'me', but different. slight differences in build, manner, approach, function, etc. all the exchange was telepathic, but it wasn't between the various forms of me...it was a voice that came from elsewhere, and it only worked to answer my questions. i asked if they were all me, and the answer was, "yes. they'd come to help me with what was to come". they all felt strong, and stable, and aware...so i didn't have a problem with idea. except for one...when i noticed her eyes. reptilian eyes. i personally don't have too much against the reptilians. they are what they are, but there is some resistance with trusting them. i asked about that 'me' in particular. the answer was, "yes, she is also here to help. she has unique qualities that can be of benefit to you. that's why she's here". i rolled that around in my head for awhile, and got more comfortable with the idea. why not? why limit myself due to some bizarre racism i don't even understand. if anything i probably have the most to learn from her. so...i agreed to all of it, and when i did there was a flood of downloading. none of it i could process instantly, but it's there/here. whatever. i can feel it...new information. i'm guessing like the rest of the downloading that's been going on for the last couple of weeks...i'll be able to access it when it's needed.

things are getting very interesting to say the least.

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Dis-eased Energy Across The Web...

It's a common understanding amongst the Mysfit crowd, of how certain other forums and discussion boards will actually cause physical symptoms of general illness, not to mention the problem of outright psychic attack from some places.

I don't know why I started down a particular path this morning...looking for solutions to generate some passive income on-line? Must have come from trying to optimize my blogs. I really just wanted to increase traffic to my site, but it's not easy to head down that path, without ending up on the "easy money" freeway.
It just all feels so wrong to me. I really believe in money in exchange for goods (if we're gonna have to use it).

I tried justifying it first thing this morning over coffee, saying..."someone's going to take their money anyway, might as well be me. Money after all is the root of all evil, and if not that then it's not even a 'real' thing. It's a belief system. I might actually be helping others by taking it off their hands". None of it worked. All I kept seeing was the conspiracy, and the idea that it's all too massive to break down, and deconstruct back to something honest...that's what first started to make me feel edgy and overwhelmed, and sick to my stomach. One of the sites explained..."by the time you've taken ten minutes to read this page...147 thousand dollars has been spent on on-line gaming". Something like that.

It's just all so sad. Oh, I know the people out there that make it work for them aren't sad, but it's still a pyramid scheme. It's still parasitic. It's still middle-man stuff that I see as such a big part of the problem. Just being redirected from one site to another as I attempt to figure out what's a vertical, and a lens, a downstream, an upstream, matching bonuses, and active associates, and how all the percentages and generations and gems figure into it all. All day long I soaked up the energy from these sites that wasn't anything but empty, desperate, overwhelmed, frustration, and hopelessness. That's not what you'd pick up from reading the sites. It's all up, up and away in beautiful balloons of success and greenbacks. Ha. It's the same exact energy that's exchange during an attack.....and I'm suffering for it now! :(

I feel totally crappy, dirty, ill. I feel like I've been crawling around all day on the bathroom floor of some strip club...looking for dimes, and only finding business cards, and phone numbers scratched on stall walls. I feel like vomiting. Is that too dramatic? I don't think so.

I'd consider myself a fairly balanced person, but I'll admit to some fragmentation still. Born severely right-brained creative/sensitive/empathic (on top of the paranormal stuff)...fitting in has always demanded a great amount of my energy. Not so much because I'm not good at it, but because I'm too good at. Anyway...my whole life people have felt the need to constantly advise me on how I should be living, which is mostly on the conservative, straight and narrow. "Get a real job" is what I've heard most...being an indie artist. So, I'm just trying to say that I've got issues surrounding that idea. I want to prove to people (like my dad), that doing things the "proper" way isn't hard...I have this need to have to "prove" myself, but at the same time...it goes against the fiber of my existence. Maybe it's all the waffling that's making me nauseous???

I want to include this video that I came across, because I'm planning on doing a lot of follow up around it. Overall, this "Peggy Kane" and I have a lot in common, and I'm very interested in contacting her on a few key things. Anyway...the entire video is worth watching, but she says something about how certain people (her kind) are typically struggling financially here on earth, because we just don't see the point of money. It doesn't make sense to us. I concur!
Peggy Kane Interview Volume 1 - Reptilian Agenda
1 hr 39 min 29 sec - Jul 22, 2007


I was reading something last week on the new homeopathic's being generated on-line; where you take a glass container of water, and wire it up to the output on your computer, and a ten second vibration signal is blasted from the originating website (after you key in your credit card number), and it instaneously becomes a healing product. No shipping charge! ;)Not that I'm going to debate the validity of it.
Who really knows?!? But, it's sort of the same idea of being downloaded without prior consent...and I think that's going on on the Internet much, much more the people realize!

I could have spent today working on art, or writing...and I wasted it by being lured down an alleyway I should know better about. So, I got a little distracted...that's okay. I'll think twice next time. I'm just gonna stick to what I feel good about. Posting here and the forum, doing my art, working to get some material together for a book maybe. If I'm gonna do something crazy, and out of the natural for me...I'll start a radio show, or something nuts like that!

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The Secret Symbology in UvME "Insider Report"...

If you wanna interpret the images with me you're gonna have sign up to view the document. Sorry. Just not sure of the legalities involved in posting the pictures here...although, no such thing as bad publicity nowadays.

Set up a dummy e-mail, register (free), and sign in to view the pdf "Insider Report". I personally find it interesting, but I'm caught up in ideas of Internet II, and III at the moment. I hope it's worth the effort involved?!? Who knows, maybe you'll think I'm nuts, and instead decide to cash in on the next "evolution" of The Net.

Click on the link below...


THIS IS MY PERSONAL & BASIC OPINION ONLY.
pdf images


Intro page)
The image off to the center of the page, is a green globe (earth) being jacked into from both sides with sparking wires connect to two hand-controllers for gaming, but they look more like some sort of "auditing" machine Scientologist's would use, or maybe a de-possession contraption of Dr. Carl Wickland's. Either way, the planet is being "plugged in", and the green to me, denotes that it'll be implemented through the greed for money. At the bottom there is an on-going line that reads....lets play you vs me lets play you vs me lets play you vs me, etc.

page 1)
The image is a geometric city scape entirely in green. It isn't a far stretch of the imagination to see L. Frank Baum's interuptation of the utopian Emerald City, governed by the little con-artist behind the curtain (The Great Oz). There isn't much to say about that. Note, the only advertisement on the side of the building is for UvME, with the hand held in the "peace" sign...synonymous with the 60's "hippie" movement, and the idea of tune in, turn on, and drop out. The whole idea behind UvME, and Internet II is the idea of everyone spending the better part of their day "tuned in" to the net. Also noting that the building in the very center is completely different from all the other 'modern' buildings. It's a Gothic looking structure, and although it depicts many cities I've seen first hand...it represents the idea of what's 'new' being dictated by what's 'old'; that at the center of every new system...there is an ancient occult system that controls & directs it.

page 2)
There isn't anything to say about page 2, except for the player's avatar on the monitor who looks pretty depressed! Sort of funny...and not.

page 3 & 4)
Jigsaw puzzle (green) as the background for entire image, but...the pieces are all exactly the same! That's not a puzzle! Pages are talking about the "phenomenon" of the marketplace.

page 5)
Five is just weird. First of all all the pages up to this point have been totally green. This one is 90% red. Red, and black, and there are two people facing off (as silhouettes) about twenty paces apart. I'm thinking they're supposed to be boxers, but it isn't that noticeable. Of course, it's just a representation of one the games that will be available, or is it?!? Going on to read the brochure it talks about the need for people to be competitive with each other, and that they're going to have to have an outlet for that 'if' they're living their lives on-line. Okay, it doesn't say that exactly.
Just note that as we move along through the "evolution" of the report, and the workings of UvME...we've moved from the green/greedy part...to the bloody part.

page 6)
is a segment of the ring from the above boxing scene (all red as well), but as first glance it's a ladder with rays coming out from behind it. The page talks about the IGDA (International Games Developer Association) and how they've gotten around the illegality of US gambling laws, by making it games of "skill", rather then games of "chance".

page 7)
"What is driving this trend?" or maybe..."who?" This page is done in oranges, and it's one odd shaped building with a strange metal trussed contraption running down the side of the building.
I have no idea what this one is about, but would be interested in other people's theories. It doesn't look like it's 'just' sculptural, or an architectural detail...it for sure has a function.

page 8)
no image

page 9)
"It is happening NOW. Globally" is the quote..."now" being the largest word on the page. This image is all in blue, and has a small planet earth, ready to drop into the "net" of a basket ball hoop....trapping the planet?!? Possibly the idea of b-ball representing the idea that they're going to use kids, mostly men, mostly of the 'sports' (competitive mentality) to drive the market. That was the previous question after all!

page 10)
no image

page 11)
This is the craziest page! Okay, the greedy greens have introduced us all to the plaform, and then the aggressive reds have stirred it all into an evolutional frenzy, and now we're sitting on the llth page looking at GREY! Okay, grey and royal blue (purple). It's windowless buildings that look more like factories; a dark sky on the backdrop, with a flurry type grid superimposed over it., and the black silhouettes of super-robots standing guard at the buildings. There's also a black helicopter in the sky, and would someone please tell me what the hell is that object behind the wording?!? A Military Mothership? 'Cuz it doesn't look very friendly! The moon hangs in the background, bringing to mind the ideas about the moon being something "other" then a moon!

The words I can read in the grid say "in vehicle navigation", "continue(ing) download", :P and "location based services".

page 12)
This is a small image off to the left; a continuation from the image above. This image is an obelisk. I'm noticing the lines in the forefront that are slightly thicker, and fuzzier then the grid lines, have the feel of a pentagram about them. There is also something on the ground in the forefront that I can't assume what it is. Maybe the last clump of grass on earth?!? Maybe a little black neg?!? The subtitle for the page says "We're writing the rules for success right now".

page 13)
I'm sure there's someone else that can figure out this one better then me. Purple, with a billard table, and two guys playing pool. Depicting another game I suppose with the UvME banner in the background. The only thing I see that's really strange (and again...silly!) is that there are three balls on the table...red high, and red low, and the cue ball (white). The guy is aiming to hit the solid red ball, and knock the cue ball in the corner pocket, and that's just stupid! So, maybe it's poking fun at the mentality of the people who'll be utilizing this thing!?! Ya think?
The slogan for this page is..."a NEW way that makes making money fun!"

page 14)
Smaller image of eight ball by itself, and the slogan is..."AND IN OUR WORLD THEIR FUN MEANS YOUR PROFIT".

page 15)
This page is all pink, and has three giant satellite or transmission dishes in a line, with a really foggy sky.

page 16)
no image

page 17)
All blue....and more faceless people! Just some guy sitting alone at his computer, but this is the page (+18) that caused me to stop and think about what I was really looking at. At first glance what I saw looked like on of those old mystery who-done-it illustrations (think it was the desk lamp), and then when I scrolled to page 18...

page 18)
It almost would appear to be someone standing over a body, if the two pages could be merged together, which with pdf...isn't possible.

page 19)
The faceless woman in red. The only feature visible is her lips (as in necessary for "lip service"), and she's holding a cellphone up to her face. No identity, no personality, no emotion...though of course I think she's supposed to represent customer 'service'.

page 20)
no image

page 21)
I don't know about 21. The greedy-greens are back, and they've paired up in front of the computer. The woman is sitting closer to the monitor, which could signify more involvement...possibly driving the other end of operations...the socializing portion of UvME.
The guy is in control of the 'keys', however, and the ladder appears again. The caption is "So what do I do now?" Now that I've helped usher in this new generation of virtual living...

page 22)
I don't know what this is?!?

The rest are schematics of how the pyramid set up works with recruiting members, but on the last page there's one thing I find interesting...

page 28)
On the far right bottom, when you get to Ot8...opps...I mean Q9, there's a little guy drowning in the water. What's that about?!?

Anyway...that's it for now.

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The Boxed Mind, Father Grinch, and The Key.

Ahhh, I swear...it's not fair that everyone doesn't get to to do this. Or...remember.

Did a little traveling this afternoon, and wound up in my head. Just one of the million I've been privy to witness. A room with a view. At first, there appeared to be no view at all; just a dimly lit room, with about 30 people inside. I'm still tripping from the experience...so bare with me.

Right away I knew this was my mind, and the people were various persona's, a different form of attachments...not thought-manifestations, and not disincarnate spirits per say. They were all human in appearance, and as varied in personality as possible. I decided straight away to go about introductions. I asked anyone that was interested to step up.

The first person is hard to remember, which is odd because it took the most gumption I believe for him to do so. All I remember was that he was kind, quiet, very calm, and middle-of-the-row. He walked up, said something, and we shook hands. I felt the attachment. I also found it hard to let go of his hand...in my own sense, wanting to make sure he felt "acknowledged"! He stepped back into the circle that had formed around me. I asked if anyone else wanted to meet me. The form that stepped up next, I couldn't make out. It was sort of formless at first, or my eyes weren't working. I reached out...he was naked (hairless/bald, lean & muscular), and moved in a fluid manner, like dancing. Very intimate; brushing, and rubbing against my body, leaning in close and laying his head on my chest, and caressing me. Then he reached for one of my breasts and began sucking on it. I told him I was having a problem seeing him fully, and to be patient...as he pulsed in and out view. I reached out again to touch him, but this time there was hair on his head, and when he came into view again...it was another; still youthful, same build, but different. Together they both moved around me, touching me softly all over.

I'm not sure what possessed me to stop them :P Sometimes I'm just too conscious for my own good! Anyway...I remember pushing them off slightly and asking them if they didn't have something to share with me. They acted unconcerned at first, but I was in a determined mode. I asked the first one to share something with me, he said "I am". I turned to the second, and asked the same. He responded the same, to which I said, "Sharing what?...Sucking on my tit?" I'm not sure where the frustration was coming from...I think possibly mirroring something they felt for me?!? The first one moved back into the circle and vanished again. I tried to re-word myself, and come from a more logical place, and was fumbling, when the second one finally turned (a bit abruptly) and with an irritated energy, and put me in my place by saying.........."you doubt yourself too much!" It shut me up. I asked for it, and he was straight with me. I didn't expect the response, but I couldn't argue it. I agreed. I agreed a whole bunch. It seemed to cause some commotion about the group. The feeling I was getting was that...........it's all "very" so-so in that room, and anything that wrinkles the status quo...causes some strange mulling about in search of some form of distraction (or another). I found this very interesting.

The circle disbursed, and folks began scattering around. One man took my hand though, and led me over to the far side of the room to a puzzle that was spread out on the floor. It had to have a million, tiny pieces to it, and there was no picture to help place the pieces together; just a small number on each oddly shaped piece. The background of the puzzle was pink, and an odd piece here and there had a small gem stone set in the center, instead of a number. The man was (how do I stereo-type him?) Nerdy/D&D/Renaissance? Husky build, beard, glasses. I noticed he stuttered a bit, had some impairment of some sort, but seemed probably the most brilliant of the bunch. He was the 'Emotional-Thinker'...extremely passive, timid, nervous, and caught up in his own little corner of the room.

A woman came up and stood beside us...I immediately got another timid energy, but eager, and jumbled...sort of all over the place in her enthusiasm, but hidden a good bit under her self-control. I got the feeling that she wanted to share so much, that she couldn't decide on any one thing...so she just kept following me around.

This was the first time I got a good look at the room. It looked to be about a 100' x 100', dark (as I said), filled with mismatched furniture, and carpeted. I walked over to a large lazy-boy-like recliner...and the guy sitting in it. I can't remember exactly what I asked him, but the thought that kept cycling through my mind was getting these people out of it (my mind that is). I must have said something about getting out and seeing more, bcuz his response was, "Why? Why would I want to do that when I have the greatest view in the universe"...then he pointed up at the ceiling. There was no ceiling though. I hadn't bothered to look up before, but now when I did........I noticed the box/room was open at the top, and all I could see was the cosmos. It was breath taking! I reached out to one of the white walls, and my hand moved through it like it was made of a thin membrane of latex. It stretched, but it didn't move through. A soft prison. I made a mental note. I'm not sure what personality he was?!? Simple, commonplace, sit-on-his-ass-and-stare-at-the-stars man!

I could feel myself pulsing in and out of the scene, so time was of the essence. Not enough time to move through everyone. I jumped atop a coffee table in the center of the room, and tried to get everyone's attention. I noticed more 'individuals' at this point. One in particular who wouldn't shut up! A big man too, maybe all dressed in blue, and sort of pale, with a big black beard. He was stubborn and demonstrative, and full of himself. I pondered shortly about that persona?!? ;) Being such a recluse I'm sure it frustrates him that he doesn't get to have his say with the outside world. So, as is fitting.................tons of internal dialog! Too much actually.
I finally went over, stepping across furniture, and lifted him from the couch and plopped him over on beside me on the coffee table. He didn't miss a beat...he just kept talking (now to himself). Anyway...this cause more confusion. There were a lot of people jumping in to help me quiet the room...telling everyone else to shush...and that just caused more noise. I was thinking it was all pointless when I turned for a moment, and noticed a large set of curtains hanging on the wall behind me. I moved off the table and peeked behind them. It was a large picture window that almost filled the entire wall, and there was a view................a garden! But, it was dead.

This touched me in deep place. As everyone continued trying to get everyone else's attention...I began pulling down the curtains. First a set of heavy drapes, then a top that more decorative draping fabric, then sheers. I just kept ripping them off one by one. That strange "magnetic" thing that happens with the pins, needles, and wire began. All the hardware from the drapes was sticking to the palm of my right hand. This always drives me nuts! So, the window was clear now, but I was caught up int trying to pull the pile of crap stuck to my hand. I looked around and no one seemed interested by the outside. Again, it was as if they were all distracting themselves with trivial things to ignore it. Except for one guy that walked up beside me and joined me in staring out. He was gay (was the immediate) feeling. Compassionate, interested, creative, self-conscious in appearance, etc.

I asked him why no one used the garden. He shrugged, as if the novelty of it had worn off long ago. There was a sadness about him, where I got the feeling that he'd tried to keep interest in it, but like I was trying to get the rooms attention...it was pointless. He'd given up, sadly. Feelings that he was most interested in making it nice for everyone else, and sense no one else was interested.....what was the point? A feeling I can relate very well to.

I said I wanted to see it...go out there. He pointed to a door I hadn't noticed before. When I moved out into the hallway, there were more doors. I stopped for a moment in the garden with the gay guy. I pointed out that it wasn't dead at all. All around were little signs of life. Small ferns, moss, some plants that had gone wild. I insisted that it wouldn't require that much energy to get it back together. He shrugged again. I noticed that all the people from the room had followed us out, and were now mulling about in the hallway...peeking in other doors.

I moved back with them, and followed them into a large dining hall of sorts. It had to be the size of three or four gymnasiums, with large, heavy wooden tables spread throughout, large wooden beams over-head, and walk-in fireplaces. I was looking around when a heavy set woman entered the hall with an entourage. It was clear that this was another room/mind of people. She reminded me of the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. She had a white powdered wig, a thick tapestry type dress with lots of embellishment, and a pale, painted face. She was horridly obnoxious, and loud...and moving towards one of the members of my party...carrying on about some such nonsense to do with having her room cleaned. I didn't like her tone...and stepped in.

She looked at me sideways, and gaffed me off at first, but when she opened her mouth again...I stepped in and stopped her. She wanted to know who I was. I told her. She gaffed me off again; carrying on about so-and-so not performing up to standard, and how she was refusing to pay till the situation was resolved. Again, being so conscious in my travels...the "pay" thing caught my attention.

"Pay? Pay with what?" I asked. "Money, of course!" The robust woman replied like I was from another planet. "Money?"..............."Yes. Money" she answered, looking at me again as if I was "stupid" and from another planet.

"What on earth do *you* need money for?" I asked. There was some of that 'distracting' chatter again, some whispering here and there, and then she finally turned with her head buried somewhat in her chest, and quietly whispered..."for the key". "The Key!" I asked loudly...."What "key"?" More chatter. Someone else leaned in and whispered..."The Keeeey". "What's The Key for?"...everyone stopped a moment, looking wholly perplexed, and then the Queen of Hearts chick shrugged, as if she hadn't a clue. All they seemed to know is that they needed money to buy "The Key", but they had no idea what the key was for, how it worked, or what it was.

The whole thing was irritating me. "Where does the key come from?" I asked. More distraction. I had to repeat it several times, till it was clear I wasn't going to let it go, or shut up. The Queen leaned over and whispered even quieter...."The Grinch". That caused me think a moment. "Did you say "Grinch?".
"Yes, yes.......shhhhh....Father Grinch!"
Psst. No way!

"Where is this Grinch?" I demanded. I could feel the panic rising in the hall. "You can't see The Grinch!!!" someone replied, and a bunch of others followed suit. "You can't go there", "you don't want to go there", etc.
"I WANT TO SEE THE GRINCH!" I said (to be clear). Suddenly, from out of one of the fireplaces, there was a puff of black soot, and The Grinch stepped out into the hall, looked around, and walked directly up to "me". He wasn't green and furry, the way Dr. Suess described. He was human looking, hard, and dressed all in black.

"Who is "this"?" he asked staring at me un-distracted...I answered him, and stared straight back. I leaned in a little closer, and asked "What in the world are you up to?" He cocked his head and squinted his eyes, but didn't answer. "Why in the world do these people need money"? I restated more clearly. He stared harder, but this time I could see a slight grin move across his lips. I was amusing him on some level, but as he looked deeper into my eyes...trying to figure out exactly who I was...I could feel myself faltering from the trance. I told him so. I said I wanted to continue our conversation, if he'd have me back, and added, "not necessarily to get to the bottom of the money thing, but just for my own self-interest...to sit down and get to better know "The Grinch" of all people...would be incredibly interesting to me". That I'm sure he could fascinate me with what he knew.
Then I bowed out graciously.

We'll see if he has me back?!?

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and on the tenth day she rested..........?!?

Last night was the first in nine that I haven't spent with Angus.
I suppose I 'could' use my skills to keep the whole thing going, but I've done my best not to manipulate the experience in anyway, and...in a sense the whole interaction has thrown me off, and distracted me from other things. It's caused me to wax selfish. Or, at least focus more on myself then I have time for, which is packed...full of dilemmas .

So, did I have a nice nights sleep? A quiet, well-deserved break? Hmm...right.

Like any nine night vacation away from work...things piled up. Last night was craziness, and very two-fold. Spent all night doing healings and release work. Started out with random individuals in the dark, then moved into an old school house where there'd been a fire...and plenty of children seeking guidance. Went through an entire historic hospital (somewhere) that's since been turned in a large B&B/resort/historic center thing; I don't know, but it was filled with people in need of help. I've worked with only a few hospitals, and all of them are stuffed with trapped souls. So many disincarnate beings wandering the halls, waiting to be cured, and sent home.

From the time I shut my eyes last night at 11:30 till I woke up this morning at 4:30 it's been nonstop. Convincing folks they're dead is draining enough. The hands on healing on top of that is way a lot of energy put out. Sitting here feeling like I haven't slept in days.

Peppered between all the work were very strange moments of unease. I moved through every family member...suffering a short while on all these feelings of failure, disappointment, guilt, lost time, and inadequacy. Not sure what that's about exactly. Moved through many past friendships, and oddly enough (to cap it off)...also moved through some less animate things that I must have residue about. Like, a handful of old houses that I've wanted to own throughout my life. Just standing in front of them feeling overwhelming sadness & loss; houses that are long gone, but there energy still remains in some great longing to be loved. Maybe I should have done a lot more healing last night then I did, but I was so worn out (and still a little distracted), and......all I could find to do was stand there, and feel these pangs of discomfort as fully as possible. I woke up a few dozen times throughout the night, feeling increasingly sullen each time.

The last moments of the night were rounded off with another healing; this time on the Earth...which I've never been presented with before. I was walking down some large, ornately wooded corridor, and wound up in something of small library. Sitting at a round table were four children (12, maybe 13 years of age)...two boys, two girls, all of different ethnicities. In the center of the table was a globe, and each child had a collection of various crystals and gemstones that they were holding in their hands, whilst focusing on particular places on the globe.

They said very little. All telepathically. I just heard words like, "Citrine, Nepal", "Amethyst, Dafur", "Onyx, Boston", "Jade, Cambodia".
There wasn't a feeling of satisfaction from the children, more frustration...like they'd had this great idea to group heal the world, and got caught up in a never-ending struggle they seemed to be losing themselves in. I got them to all hold hands with me, and we laid them over the small spinning Earth in the center of the table, and focused our energy. While I was conducting the healing...there was a voice in the back of my head that was not too positive of the outcome....something like, "are you sure?" There were a few seconds of doubt, but not enough to leave the children to their unfulfilling task, and walk away. It was all already in motion.

There was crazy energy moving through us. A huge channel that sucked immense amounts of current straight through us. Like those vampire movies...during 'the change' when the new vampire can't let go of their willing host. Anyway...it lasted only a moment, but felt like eternity. Then, we watched as the polar caps completely melted away, and the whole globe took on a new flooded pattern, of less land mass. Our hands fell way, and the room we were standing in began to sway...like the deck of a ship, with the table and chairs sliding this way and that. We turned to look out the windows of the room we were in; one second a view of the outdoors, the next second a view from deep under water. The world flooded so quickly, the building we were in floated for a moment, and then immediately descended beneath it all.

I was rounding up the children by the hand, as the room filled with water. It wasn't a panicked, end of life type feeling...more, a cool, calming, refreshing feeling; hydrating to say the least. And by the time I got hold of the children, and we moved to a door to escape...the water was receding. I assume that these children, being of a certain skill set, are capable of breathing under water as well...but the time between the flooding and the return to somewhat normal levels of sea water...didn't require anything more then an average holding of breath. It was that quick.

We crawled out into the street...the building now laying on its side. Everything was tumbled and turned over. Everything lighter then a large house was gone; cars, benches, post boxes, large swaths of road, etc....swept away. The people however, remained. A good number of them anyway; and animals. And...trees. It seemed that everything 'natural' (alive...in the sense of things with *soul* still remained), and all that was artificial was gone. So...whether it was an actual hydro-cleansing, or metaphoric symbolism for some healing, liquid, divine energy?!? I don't know. There was just this unfathomable amount of calm in everything. Was a nice way to end the night, but still..........so incredibly dog-tired right now!

I could go back to sleep, but.........
this year is proving pointless for sleep. Beginning to feel that the day-to-day grind is less exhausting. Strange, bcuz in a few hours I'll be back on top of a house, in 90+ heat, installing a metal roof. :P Not sure who out there has ever done roofing before, BUT...definitely not what one would consider 'restful'. Cathartic maybe, but definitely not a way to recharge ones energy levels.

Strange, when I stand back and look at what "I do". From the artwork, to the rambling, to the labour, to the healing, the release...........it's all so twisted. And, the fact that most everyone I know feels constantly compelled to insist that I'm not doing enough..............is even stranger.

About time everyone had a "Changing of Shoes" day! I think. ;) 9-5...what's so hard about that? Being on time? Filling orders? Voiding out? It's craziness. But, that's a whole other rant I'll save you from.

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Blackberries

Was out picking blackberries, stoned, mind wandering all over the place. Thinking why folks don't really get into the "berry"...like they do the grape?!? Or any other fruit for that matter...what gets as much attention, as much reverence as "the grape"?

Started thinking about making 'connoisseur' jams. Like the "terra plumbeus" (or cherokee "ga-ge-de-u e-lo-hi")..."heavy to the ground". Immediately I noticed that the largest, ripest, sweetest berries were the ones closest to the earth....and just picking those for a 'special reserve'. I could see people standing around a jar with spoons in their mouths, "ewwing" & "awing"...moving globs of the rich compote around on their palate; going on about the undertones, and high notes. Wondering how far that is away from absurd? Wondering how much someone would pay for a jar of jam?

I noticed a lot of things...like how I kept stepping deeper and deeper into the thick of things, into the woods. I dressed appropriately this time: jeans, boots, t-shirt. The last time I picked I was out in foam slippers and nightgown. Not a good combination. The thorns on the berries go right through foam, and they reach out and grab tight on any loose fabric. I was protected (somewhat)...it seemed fitting that there be a certain amount of pain involved in the gathering.

Just one berry at a time, luring a me a little further into the woods; so obvious, so amusing. So, interesting that only 'odd' berries are ripe at any one time...so there was no feeling of over-crafting. Each vine held unripe, ripe, too ripe, and dried berries. Enough for all. Deeper into the woods. Deeper into consciousness. Richer Blackberries, richer hues of green, a richer sense of myself and the world...all waxing Feminine.

I don't need to be stoned, to be profound. The information flows through constant, but used appropriately/respectfully...it does help to disengage from the static I'm surrounded by. There was something clear coming through about sustaining the world. It's people. That there was more then enough to go round for everyone if people could 'see'. Seeing requires so much less sustenance, less the 'preferred' if any. Ideas about seeing the abundance that surrounds us, seeing the abundance in ourself...it cancels out competition, hoarding, panic, stress, hunger. The woods cancel out all that.

I noticed so much...insects, sounds, footings, bark, leaves, the changes in pressure, in moisture, in air...in smells. Each step into the woods...and my senses were clearer. Everything was clearer. Everything felt soothing.

I followed the vines along till they stopped...nowhere special, and at the same time wholly enchanted, and I was there for a long while...not wanting to move out of it. Not needing to move at all. I thought about those survival reality shows on TV. "Bear" whatever his name is, and that Canadian dude. Those shows bother me. I know why. The guys are ridiculous in their constant need to "get out". Get out of where?!?
Is the Earth not our home? When are we ever truly "lost"??? What's the direness for?
They come across fresh, sweet water...and move on. They come across a food source, like a bush of berries...they barely stop long enough to grab a handful, and they're off again. Where are they off to? What are they afraid of?

I want to do my own show. Maybe called "Nomad", or "Gypsy"?!? The same idea of being deep in nature, but without the panic. I want to take time with it, share more valuable wisdom...something beyond "survival". If anything, humans know enough already about survival. They just pretend to forget.

I want to follow the berry, the sweetgrass, the cat-tail, the watercress. Follow the elk, the caribou, the wolf. Follow the sun and the moon. Follow the seasons. A show where I settle for awhile where there's plenty...spend time gathering consciously, preparing, sun-drying, spend some time on ritual....mend and wash my clothes, re-sole my moccasins, maybe. Weave a new basket. Talk about the plants...their wisdom, their medicine, their songs. Not how to 'survive', but how to 'live'.

So, I'm walking out of the woods with these thoughts; laughing at the idea that I could make up the high-end (low-yield) jams...and sell them (like fine wine) for $50.00 a jar, and toss in a little documentary DVD...of my stoned ramblings whilst picking the very berries people were eating while watching the video. Why not? Make a few small batches of jam, till the berry season was over, then make Wild Carrot Cake, then jars of Kudzu Dolmas, or Pickled Poke...whatever the seasons harvest is.

Anyway...ideas just flowing through my head as I'm stepping out of the woods, back onto the property, back into the junkyard. The sun hits me hard; the ground is red clay and gravel, dusty, and I'm working my way over to another cluster of berries I know of. I realize these are a different variety...perhaps older, more wild. The berries are smaller, harder to pull of the vine, and a lot more thorns. They don't twist, and hang like the other 'vines'; these are tiny bushes, close to the ground, with thin little trailing branches. The berries aren't as sweet. So, I'm thinking the other berries I picked were more 'hybridized'.

So, that's what hybridization has given us..."bigger, sweeter, juicer". All well and good I supposed, but at one time...these little, resistance berries were big, sweet, and juicy enough. Maybe...that's as big, sweet, and juicy as they were ever supposed to be?!? My mind wondering off with all the problems man has caused in working to 'perfect', while missing the 'perfection' already in place. What else could we have accomplished all this time?!? With all that misplaced energy? The sun is beating down on me, and jeans and boots...are feeling less wise. I'm sweating now, and I suddenly have laugh at myself, because the entire situation has changed one-eighty. My breathing is strained, my body more tense. I'm passing entire bushes for this reason and that..."not enough on that bush to bother bending over","those are too small", "those are too hard to get to", "those look too dry".

I stop myself, bend down for a moment and study the dry berries. The ones that will hold firm till fall, for the birds. I pick one, examine it....and my thought is "why isn't this any "good" to me"? It's just all-natural, dried fruit on the vine. I eat it. It's good. Good for what it is. As is. Too many seeds to use for baking (like a raisin), but I think, "excellent for tea". So, I'll go back in a few weeks and pick some Blackberry leaves, and dried fruit for tea...something that will last through the winter.

The heat is pounding off me, and I'm back to struggling again through the small bushes; quickly losing my interest. I have a full can of berries, and I'm thinking that more then that is "greedy"...that's my reasoning for getting out of the sun. I laugh again, because the reasoning beneath that is profoundly simple. "This is what comes from leaving the woods"...the soothing hydration of the enchanted woods. "This is what comes from stepping out into the full sun". Suddenly, I'm in this desperate mode. Scrambling. The word that keeps coming through is, "Exposed. Exposed"...the whole mentality & function is different. So less "efficient"!!! Scrambling. It's so funny. It's so easy. The desperateness I always sense in people. That 'survival' mode, that dis-ease, and franticness....it's just about feeling exposed. It's instinct. It's programmed. It's effect, and the cure is 'cover'. Cover, or realizing that some giant bird isn't going to swoop down over-head and eat us. One of the other.

I made Blackberry Cobbler for visitors, for July 4th, and have enough left over for maybe one jar of jam, but one jar is all I need.

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Internet XII

okay...keep saying that i'm going to post something about the profound 'experiences' i had more then a week back. gonna try. very rough notes. mostly in the forum of sketches, but hopefully it will jog the mindset of the moment. what i thought about it all. my conclusions anyway.

then i'll post it in the forum. for comments/discussion.

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If life is like a box of chocolates, and consciousness is like the Internet, then I'm a chocolate Virgin Mary melting on the dashboard of some cosmic car.

At first, I found myself in a massive desert. As far as I could see before me, and behind was just one, long, winding trail of people in exodus. I was riding in a box carriage type deal that was strapped to the back of an elephant, save (easily) three times the size of a regular elephant...so I had a good vantage point. Many people were on foot, some on donkeys, and occasionally I'd pass a small camp of people off to either side that were resting/regrouping. The entire scene was perplexing. The others that were sharing the carriage with me, paid me no attention...save for the old, weathered, 'wise' man across from me that stared at me the whole time, but without emotion of any sort.

I was trying to grasp some sort of meaning from it all, when I felt that familiar slithering inside me. My attention was redirected (per usual) to getting the thing(s) out of me. The useless pulling & tug-of-war; each handful, a painful jolt of high-intensity electricity. I've always sensed two basic varieties inside me...one that hurts when I attempt to latch onto it, and another variety that feels dirty, coated with that thick, brown-gray sludge, moves slower, and responds less (almost lethargic in nature). Anyway...I finally managed to get a hold of large squidy attachment, and gained the upper hand as I working on destroying him through a hands-on method of frying light...when he began to plead with me to let him loose.

Something I've never done before is 'negotiate'. I told him I'd let him go if he told me the secret to ridding myself of all attachment (all at once). He resisted, and I worked him over a little more, and asked again. Finally, he whispered that I had to command him to 'clean' me entirely. That I couldn't do it myself, and that he couldn't do it unless I "cast" him to do it (like putting him under a direct spell). So, I was halfway through commanding him, when I looked across the carriage into the eyes of the wise-man...and suddenly I halted...panicked, and quickly asked the squidy, "Wait! What happens when I'm completely clean of all my attachments???" He paused, and extended himself close to my ear...and whispered, "You die".

Well, I thought about that for a moment...and then I let him go. His words, his energy was so sincere, so matter of fact that I didn't question it in the least. For some reason it made complete sense to me. The squidy slowly wrapped himself back around me, and moved into me again through the small of my back. I looked back at the wise-man and he smiled.

Then all at once I was tripping the light-fantastic; whisked away again through the stellar, neuro-circuitry of infinite space to the Peaceful Place, where the happy things grow, and shown lots of great advancements; how life could be here, or what we all have to look forward to in 'the end'.

Lots of the same consistent themes...A male and female representative (in-training), but consciously far advanced. Lots of training going on in fact; possibly just the area I happened to be visiting...and a quick history/tour of the place. In all directions the terrain was similar to Earth, but condensed, or somehow optimized. Every time I shifted my gaze it fell on a different environment...mountains, desert, jungle, woods, grasslands, etc. with lots of water sources throughout...but no cities to be seen. Just, pristine natural environments. It wasn't until my eyes began to settle on one spot, then another, that I realized that it all was city. Every cliff was dotted with windows and balconies, every rolling hill was the same, every massive tree that towered hundreds of feet in the air, even underwater...was 'home' to these people. All habitat was organically interwoven with the natural environment, so it wasn't immediately seen.

Transportation was by a sort of mono-rail system, either mass carrying, or by individual shuttle, and the main interest all around (as far as days were spent) was in self-education. Not a lot of this occupation was shown to me that I understood. Basically, it felt very holistic without exterior agenda...where people were free to learn about whatever interested them in the moment, and from that there were 'interest groups' who worked together in experimental environments manifesting this and that. There was no sense of time. No rush to anything.

I asked if it was "real"...what I was seeing, the environments, etc. At the time I was pointing at one of the cliffs/apartments in awe...asking if it was real rock; wondering how they'd hollow out something of that size. The boy assigned to me (looking to be about 18, but feeling much older) smiled, and said, "of course it's real". He went on a bit about an individual who had developed the ability for manifestation, saying something about "K-11" being the first experimental planet that had changed their destiny. There was a mix of feelings...that it was someplace ancient and yet on-going. Hard to describe, except to say like a library maybe...or the place that held the basic incorruptible program, and that "from that" many other worlds had developed on their own accord, as if by some form of 'open-source' collaboration, built upon the original system. Briefly, there were glimpses of all the places I've ever journeyed to, and from a very simple perspective they all suddenly made sense.

After the tour, we returned again to the main complex that I had arrived at, and some time was taken to explain the basic process of consciousness, or 'our' role in their development, which might not appear that fascinating at first, but as I've continued to roll it over in my mind, and apply it to whatever comes up...it seems to hold a good amount of "truth", in that...I haven't yet figured out a situation where it doesn't make sense on a very basic level.

The couple (boy & girl) who were speaking in telepathic union, started by explaining to me one very-very simple concept. It was that infinite sea (infancy?!?), that space of kaleidoscopic light in by-ways, highways, pathways, and threads...undulating and alive. Infinite. And, it isn't that the actual structure itself is lit, but that it's made of infinitesimal points of light, like living cells, but more then that; all in some flow, and flux around us...through us. Everywhere. They pointed out (as best they could) that there was an action (by humans) of reaching out into this sea and touching on a single point. There was a glimpse of that 'silver filament' (cord of connection) whipping around from each person, in an unconscious pattern like the tail of a cat. Each time it hits on a point of light "It's a THOUGHT". (It's a thought! A thought. That action just kept rolling over and over through my mind the entire time). The couple paused as if to give me space to process. It was immediate, and at the same time on-going. It was almost too simple.

The basic understanding is that we are all conceived "clean". Then between that point and birth we develop the ability to "tap in". Until that point it's all random information, and this ability isn't fully developed till around the age of three. At that point we begin "collecting" thoughts. (aka developing "identity") It's in keeping with our current understanding of neural-pathways that can be severed, and reconnected through repetition of assosciations. And this is where I'm going to start applying my own understanding to all of it, bcuz what I was receiving from the couple was too simple to put into words...

With each connection we make to a squidy (aka information package/cluster/light source) there are cookies exchanged, just like computers...some sort of signature that keeps that info-pkg in some kind of close proximity (although time & space are not relative if thought of in terms of the Internet). Once a connection is established, we continue to draw on the same packages again and again, but always capable of adding, or building upon that information. Not so easy to "deprogram" as is discussed. But, the basic idea is that none of this information is our own. Our identity is established from the connections we make. As we collect......we become who we believe we are, how we believe it is, etc. And all this information is stored in a 'collective' database, but in total as "individual" information packages, connected to other 'relevant' packages that share similar energy/weight ?!? I have no idea, since general computer programming is something beyond me. But, still thinking "open-source" here.

At this point everything is looking like a highly developed Internet system. So, I start thinking where does the whole idea of "negs" come into play? And loud and clear the idea of Hackers come to mind. It's clear at this point that there are both negative and positive attachments (for lack of better terms)...and that underlying all the images they all appear individually as highly-evolved tentacled entities, and now thinking little wi-fi type electrical-bodies of code. And, without losing myself in description...if the original source...this Internet, these "packages" were developed for a specific goal, doesn't mean that it can't be taken advantage of by others. The same way that our Internet is utilized by Hackers. There is a definite feeling with this idea of Hacked-Negs traveling the *same* pathways, performing in basically the exact same manner as the 'ligitimate' packages, and building similar rapport with either or. That it's an element that has to be accounted for, bcuz it can't be controlled. In a sense it could be viewed as completely natural to the system in place, yet foreign.

Anyway, some basic thoughts...
- The whole idea of identity is more an act of phising, and the idea that none of our thoughts are our own, but 'pinged' from these 'clusters', gives a whole new meaning to the idea of "profiling".

- The info-clusters/pkgs that appear squid or insect like in nature, are some kind of highly-evolved, organic, high-tech, zip-drives, and it's not that any of them can be categorized as good & bad (for they're merely carrying devices, although conscious and intelligent in their own right bcuz they are alive)(but driven/directed by a 'source' that may have ulterior or conflicting agendas). Something that's simply seen in the goings on of our very own cells...conscious intelligence of their own, as a group, and in reference to our individual operation & function. Integral, yet separate.

- Since I have no idea of the true intent behind any of this information I gleaned, it's hard to say one way or the other...what's at work. If I take the information that I'm getting 'here & now' from what's currently in place technologically speaking, and what's in the works...and hurl all that into hyperspace; it's very easy for me to see it come back round full circle and have "us" be the focus of study for some far advanced civilization that is in all practical purposes our future generation (yet to exist). That makes little sense. If...a dozen generations from now the technology exists to turn our everyday internet into a full blown matrix/collective universe of existence unto itself...where it's capable of uploading individual experiences collectively into it. Possibly even go as far as to consider that time travel becomes commonplace, and that much of the situations involving 'watchers' and abductions could be the future coming back to hook us into the ever-growing workings/database of 'their' existence. (The past is happening now type thing).

- Then the whole idea of 'the matrix' itself, where what we believe we're experiencing is truly all virtual reality; that the world doesn't exist as we know it, and that we're all just information-clusters zipping and pinging around in this sea of consciousness. Some futuristic Second-Life experiment.
Internet XII or something.

- And...who owns The Net? Who implemented it? Who is it "run" by?
- What does it run on?

- Thinking of this place I visited...easily fits into the stereotypical ideas of "heaven"; a world where ALL exists. And what the inhabitants of such a place...(where there's no death, no sickness, no hunger...no needs or wants for anything), what would those people SEEK? what would amuse them? what would they desire? What would fill their experience...except "experience"!?! 'Random experience' that they could use to refine their world of ultimate being?!?

- Looking at the basis for the Internet now, how we all utilize it, what we draw from it, what we contribute uniquely...into the collective. How we "build" upon it. And...
what it might look like a hundred years from now.

- Ideas about the 'cookie' thing. Drawing on the same packages of information again and again, eventually developing this 'identity of self', these beliefs. How difficult it is to wipe the cookies clean, and draw on entirely new information, and yet how simple it could also be once we recognize what it is, how it works. There were also ideas passed along about 'family', with the idea of 'networks'. That people close to one another, or off-spring from...will pull from many of the same clusters. And/or that people who aren't relate, but share the same clusters will gather amoungst themselves, group, herd, etc. And some thoughts about how animals are being integrated (slowly), currently domesticated 'pets' are being hooked in, where simpler forms of clusters are working to share their experiences as well, but somehow working closely through the person or family they're attached to (as another family member). How we interpret it all as social & cultural conditioning, that there could easily be another level to it all; one that's much more binary.

Anyway. The most profound thing that surfaced in it all, was the idea that we aren't what we think we are...although, "I think therefore I am"...is very exact!!! That we are merely a collection of downloads, cross-loads, and code. And, that getting to a state of complete cleansing...in essence...a "wiping" of hard-drives, ceases to make us of service. Nothing existing that doesn't serve a purpose. And that the whole idea of shedding exterior influence, or peeling off layers of identity, ego, self, etc. to reach this completely pure state of being...might not in fact be necessary.

On the other-hand, what is that innate urge to do so? If these ideas (no matter how benign they appear), are in fact some advanced Internet workings beyond us. And, if those working have a 'driver', an agenda all it's own...then possibly our need to seek liberation from that is "KEY". Maybe ALL of this is not any true aspect of us at all?!? All "slave-drives" to the SOURCE..............and a constant calling to this strange thing considered "FREEDOM" is just waking up to the goings on, and seeing exits.

But, then again...............really, truly...how does on escape such a thing?!? Everyone currently talking about what great advances are just ahead. Integrating fully with the Internet, living virtual realities, unlimited identities/avatars, a NEW collective consciousness of telepathic cross-loading, data-mining, and unlimited storage of knowledge...where we as human beings replace the cell phones, computers, and PDAs. The bio-circuitry. Which, all just goes back round again to my original ideas about what everyone calls "negs" really being nothing more then ourselves in the future...coming back to haunt us...............warn us...........keep us disturbed enough to keep seeking solution.

Arg. Too much thinking for one day!
;)

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