Ever Wake up at three o'clock in the morning and have all the answers? I do, did, last night; and it's never a vast encyclopedia...it's just three four simple conclusions. They're gone now, receded/reseeded back into the 'unknown', again.
Is everyone feeling whack or is it just me? Not seriously whacked, more a numbed down version. Sketchy, off-center a little more then (has become) usual. Shit, I don't know. I can't tell anymore how I'm supposed to feel. It's been 'tense' for so long. Thinking about all the people on medication. Thinking about the movie..."Invasion of The Body Snatchers"! Remember in that movie that the only sign for telling if someone wasn't part of the group...was by *emotion*!?!?!
Thinking about the few people left that I know who aren't on some kind of dope, and how it's not just all mental & emotional-biotics & band-aids, but more some cultish religion...with the little mantra so many carry...that works to sign the new recruits. "Try it...You'll like it! It's changed my life!", "Little Johnny has never been such a pleasure to care for"! Yeah, no doubt!
If everyone was stumbling around pushing narcotics, it would be a much different story. I hope! If potheads were walking up to parents in parks & shopping malls, telling the moms of rambunctious kids, "Have I got a solution for you!" I wonder how if it would be seen differently?
The most commonly mentioned side effects for children on anti-"bad" drugs include nausea, loss of appetite and sleeplessness. But they also include raised blood pressure, a risk of epileptic seizures, abnormal heart rhythms, increased risk of suicidal thoughts, and attempted suicide (found in particular with Strattera), hostility, mood swings, and most notably ...the raised risk of psychotic episodes.
"Children aged ten and younger who took ADHD drugs described seeing, for example, polka dot alligators or hallucinated that all their Christmas presents were being stolen by men who broke into their house. The FDA review noted that "in 90 per cent of these cases the patients had no prior history of similar conditions".
Story here
Who's engaging these kids?!? Who do they have to talk to? Bad enough when the average child of the past saw the boogie-monster, or had a nightmare on occassion, but who do they have to share their intense "hallucinations" with now?!?
Mom? Dad? Their Teacher?
Most likely all adults available are too doped up to be concerned, to fully grasp the trauma, fear, and confusion. That's what they're drugs are meant to tune-out!
Isn't that interesting to note though??? That adults are being handed drugs to dope them down, drug them out of any connection with their 6th sense, their intuition, and things 'felt' but not seen, and children are being directly hard-wired in through their given drugs! What kind of unseen situation is that causing? I know.
I know because at the age of six I was directly tapped in (not through medication)...I don't know by what, but there's been no escaping it despite every attempt I've ever tried...and I've tried just about everything I can think of...even suicide (thankfully i guess...unsuccessfully!) I know the implications of seeing shit that you can't explain to anyone; not your parents, not your friends, not the guidance counselor at school. Lack of a good nights sleep is most basic, and most disturbing, when it comes just trying your best to *pretend* like your fitting in to the day-to-day stuff; even though you're entire day is spent dreading the waining sunlight, fearing dinner, fearing the bath, fearing the bedtime story, and the overwhelming illness that over-takes you with that goodnight kiss on the cheek...all those things that become nothing more then steps back into the darkness, and that traumatic underworld where you're a lone survivor amongst the monstrous unknown.
Makes me sad.
I personally didn't have the support I needed (by far) with the Internet nowadays, and all the books, the radio shows, etc. The closest thing I had to clue me into the idea that 'maybe' there was someone else out there like me...were horror movies. Not too comforting, but at least someone was seeing what i was seeing, but they weren't available to talk to. I was labeled everything imaginable; all in the negative. Because I haven't had a decent nights sleep since the age of six...basically my entire life I've been tired & stressed, but in other peoples eyes it's been "lazy, lethargic, spacey, a slacker, an underachiever, a procrastinator, a rebel, a drama-queen, a depressive, an attention starved, unrealistic, irresponsible mess...in general. yada yada yada!
All I ever got for compassion, interest, or support was that I should be in therapy, live in a institution or group home, go on disability, and take lots of medication. That's always nice, coming from your parents; the two people who are supposed to go out of their way to understand! My mother's been on anti-depressants for as long as I can remember, on top of various self-medications...so the solution for me (from her) was always simple...even though they didn't/don't seem to do much good for her. My father wasn't anymore original. He too, (now) is on anti-anxiety medication, saying that he "hasn't felt better since he was 35". Suddenly he's no longer obsessed with death! :? That's nice, but it doesn't make me feel anymore comfortable. It still makes me wonder what the fuck is going on with the world!!!
I tried therapy, but it was simple-stupid stuff. It has done it's part to convince me (on one hand) that the basics are important. Eat balanced meals regularly, keep up personal hygiene, exercise daily, drink plenty of water, and try and get eight hours sleep a night, and...keep small realistic goals! I've tried meds as well. Zoloft, Paxil, Remeron, to name a few. All prescribed without knowing anything about my 'particular' situation. I'm sure if I would have mentioned, "interaction and dialog with parasites, demons, little gray men, and dead people"...I would have gotten much different pills! Drugs are not the answer!!! I *need* to keep my wits about me at all times! That's not paranoia either, that comes from an entire life of being 'stalked'.
Anyway...things I'll have to look into more.
2 comments:
Just to answer your question, I did woke up in the middle of night once and I had a feeling I know all the answers!
I spent next hour trembling in fear someone might kill me for figuring it all out.
The next day I tryed to write down what I could think of from my revelation, but later it all seemed like gibberish. I still have my little essay somewhere, and it's almost unreadable.
Mostly it's about time going backwards and similar nonsense.
strange when that happens. i always have that feeling deep inside. from somewhere...that i'm going to stumble upon some pure truth, and that'll be my demise somehow. there's no reasoning with it. just a very strong 'belief' that i can't justify or get around. something encoded perhaps?!?
you should frame the essay. hang it on the wall. don't need to make sense to anyone. even yourself. more of a symbol of connection. like all those shards of aramaic writing, or scrolls. very few, if any can make them out, but you just "know" they're full of wisdom.
other then storing my ramblings on-line...i usually put my writing through the fire. i can scribble truckloads of profound information if i'm not careful. i have a sacred cardboard box it all goes in, and when it fills up i build a fire!
;)
of course...nonsense like you said. if any of the many conversations i've had with einstein for instance...had ended up making any sense.........ah well. they're all working to communicate through 'many' of us. we're lucky if we get bits & pieces, or a 'general feeling'...i think we're all just lacking communication amoungst ourselves. For me, for sure...no lack of communication from afar!
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