Ahhh, I swear...it's not fair that everyone doesn't get to to do this. Or...remember.
Did a little traveling this afternoon, and wound up in my head. Just one of the million I've been privy to witness. A room with a view. At first, there appeared to be no view at all; just a dimly lit room, with about 30 people inside. I'm still tripping from the experience...so bare with me.
Right away I knew this was my mind, and the people were various persona's, a different form of attachments...not thought-manifestations, and not disincarnate spirits per say. They were all human in appearance, and as varied in personality as possible. I decided straight away to go about introductions. I asked anyone that was interested to step up.
The first person is hard to remember, which is odd because it took the most gumption I believe for him to do so. All I remember was that he was kind, quiet, very calm, and middle-of-the-row. He walked up, said something, and we shook hands. I felt the attachment. I also found it hard to let go of his hand...in my own sense, wanting to make sure he felt "acknowledged"! He stepped back into the circle that had formed around me. I asked if anyone else wanted to meet me. The form that stepped up next, I couldn't make out. It was sort of formless at first, or my eyes weren't working. I reached out...he was naked (hairless/bald, lean & muscular), and moved in a fluid manner, like dancing. Very intimate; brushing, and rubbing against my body, leaning in close and laying his head on my chest, and caressing me. Then he reached for one of my breasts and began sucking on it. I told him I was having a problem seeing him fully, and to be patient...as he pulsed in and out view. I reached out again to touch him, but this time there was hair on his head, and when he came into view again...it was another; still youthful, same build, but different. Together they both moved around me, touching me softly all over.
I'm not sure what possessed me to stop them :P Sometimes I'm just too conscious for my own good! Anyway...I remember pushing them off slightly and asking them if they didn't have something to share with me. They acted unconcerned at first, but I was in a determined mode. I asked the first one to share something with me, he said "I am". I turned to the second, and asked the same. He responded the same, to which I said, "Sharing what?...Sucking on my tit?" I'm not sure where the frustration was coming from...I think possibly mirroring something they felt for me?!? The first one moved back into the circle and vanished again. I tried to re-word myself, and come from a more logical place, and was fumbling, when the second one finally turned (a bit abruptly) and with an irritated energy, and put me in my place by saying.........."you doubt yourself too much!" It shut me up. I asked for it, and he was straight with me. I didn't expect the response, but I couldn't argue it. I agreed. I agreed a whole bunch. It seemed to cause some commotion about the group. The feeling I was getting was that...........it's all "very" so-so in that room, and anything that wrinkles the status quo...causes some strange mulling about in search of some form of distraction (or another). I found this very interesting.
The circle disbursed, and folks began scattering around. One man took my hand though, and led me over to the far side of the room to a puzzle that was spread out on the floor. It had to have a million, tiny pieces to it, and there was no picture to help place the pieces together; just a small number on each oddly shaped piece. The background of the puzzle was pink, and an odd piece here and there had a small gem stone set in the center, instead of a number. The man was (how do I stereo-type him?) Nerdy/D&D/Renaissance? Husky build, beard, glasses. I noticed he stuttered a bit, had some impairment of some sort, but seemed probably the most brilliant of the bunch. He was the 'Emotional-Thinker'...extremely passive, timid, nervous, and caught up in his own little corner of the room.
A woman came up and stood beside us...I immediately got another timid energy, but eager, and jumbled...sort of all over the place in her enthusiasm, but hidden a good bit under her self-control. I got the feeling that she wanted to share so much, that she couldn't decide on any one thing...so she just kept following me around.
This was the first time I got a good look at the room. It looked to be about a 100' x 100', dark (as I said), filled with mismatched furniture, and carpeted. I walked over to a large lazy-boy-like recliner...and the guy sitting in it. I can't remember exactly what I asked him, but the thought that kept cycling through my mind was getting these people out of it (my mind that is). I must have said something about getting out and seeing more, bcuz his response was, "Why? Why would I want to do that when I have the greatest view in the universe"...then he pointed up at the ceiling. There was no ceiling though. I hadn't bothered to look up before, but now when I did........I noticed the box/room was open at the top, and all I could see was the cosmos. It was breath taking! I reached out to one of the white walls, and my hand moved through it like it was made of a thin membrane of latex. It stretched, but it didn't move through. A soft prison. I made a mental note. I'm not sure what personality he was?!? Simple, commonplace, sit-on-his-ass-and-stare-at-the-stars man!
I could feel myself pulsing in and out of the scene, so time was of the essence. Not enough time to move through everyone. I jumped atop a coffee table in the center of the room, and tried to get everyone's attention. I noticed more 'individuals' at this point. One in particular who wouldn't shut up! A big man too, maybe all dressed in blue, and sort of pale, with a big black beard. He was stubborn and demonstrative, and full of himself. I pondered shortly about that persona?!? ;) Being such a recluse I'm sure it frustrates him that he doesn't get to have his say with the outside world. So, as is fitting.................tons of internal dialog! Too much actually.
I finally went over, stepping across furniture, and lifted him from the couch and plopped him over on beside me on the coffee table. He didn't miss a beat...he just kept talking (now to himself). Anyway...this cause more confusion. There were a lot of people jumping in to help me quiet the room...telling everyone else to shush...and that just caused more noise. I was thinking it was all pointless when I turned for a moment, and noticed a large set of curtains hanging on the wall behind me. I moved off the table and peeked behind them. It was a large picture window that almost filled the entire wall, and there was a view................a garden! But, it was dead.
This touched me in deep place. As everyone continued trying to get everyone else's attention...I began pulling down the curtains. First a set of heavy drapes, then a top that more decorative draping fabric, then sheers. I just kept ripping them off one by one. That strange "magnetic" thing that happens with the pins, needles, and wire began. All the hardware from the drapes was sticking to the palm of my right hand. This always drives me nuts! So, the window was clear now, but I was caught up int trying to pull the pile of crap stuck to my hand. I looked around and no one seemed interested by the outside. Again, it was as if they were all distracting themselves with trivial things to ignore it. Except for one guy that walked up beside me and joined me in staring out. He was gay (was the immediate) feeling. Compassionate, interested, creative, self-conscious in appearance, etc.
I asked him why no one used the garden. He shrugged, as if the novelty of it had worn off long ago. There was a sadness about him, where I got the feeling that he'd tried to keep interest in it, but like I was trying to get the rooms attention...it was pointless. He'd given up, sadly. Feelings that he was most interested in making it nice for everyone else, and sense no one else was interested.....what was the point? A feeling I can relate very well to.
I said I wanted to see it...go out there. He pointed to a door I hadn't noticed before. When I moved out into the hallway, there were more doors. I stopped for a moment in the garden with the gay guy. I pointed out that it wasn't dead at all. All around were little signs of life. Small ferns, moss, some plants that had gone wild. I insisted that it wouldn't require that much energy to get it back together. He shrugged again. I noticed that all the people from the room had followed us out, and were now mulling about in the hallway...peeking in other doors.
I moved back with them, and followed them into a large dining hall of sorts. It had to be the size of three or four gymnasiums, with large, heavy wooden tables spread throughout, large wooden beams over-head, and walk-in fireplaces. I was looking around when a heavy set woman entered the hall with an entourage. It was clear that this was another room/mind of people. She reminded me of the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. She had a white powdered wig, a thick tapestry type dress with lots of embellishment, and a pale, painted face. She was horridly obnoxious, and loud...and moving towards one of the members of my party...carrying on about some such nonsense to do with having her room cleaned. I didn't like her tone...and stepped in.
She looked at me sideways, and gaffed me off at first, but when she opened her mouth again...I stepped in and stopped her. She wanted to know who I was. I told her. She gaffed me off again; carrying on about so-and-so not performing up to standard, and how she was refusing to pay till the situation was resolved. Again, being so conscious in my travels...the "pay" thing caught my attention.
"Pay? Pay with what?" I asked. "Money, of course!" The robust woman replied like I was from another planet. "Money?"..............."Yes. Money" she answered, looking at me again as if I was "stupid" and from another planet.
"What on earth do *you* need money for?" I asked. There was some of that 'distracting' chatter again, some whispering here and there, and then she finally turned with her head buried somewhat in her chest, and quietly whispered..."for the key". "The Key!" I asked loudly...."What "key"?" More chatter. Someone else leaned in and whispered..."The Keeeey". "What's The Key for?"...everyone stopped a moment, looking wholly perplexed, and then the Queen of Hearts chick shrugged, as if she hadn't a clue. All they seemed to know is that they needed money to buy "The Key", but they had no idea what the key was for, how it worked, or what it was.
The whole thing was irritating me. "Where does the key come from?" I asked. More distraction. I had to repeat it several times, till it was clear I wasn't going to let it go, or shut up. The Queen leaned over and whispered even quieter...."The Grinch". That caused me think a moment. "Did you say "Grinch?".
"Yes, yes.......shhhhh....Father Grinch!"
Psst. No way!
"Where is this Grinch?" I demanded. I could feel the panic rising in the hall. "You can't see The Grinch!!!" someone replied, and a bunch of others followed suit. "You can't go there", "you don't want to go there", etc.
"I WANT TO SEE THE GRINCH!" I said (to be clear). Suddenly, from out of one of the fireplaces, there was a puff of black soot, and The Grinch stepped out into the hall, looked around, and walked directly up to "me". He wasn't green and furry, the way Dr. Suess described. He was human looking, hard, and dressed all in black.
"Who is "this"?" he asked staring at me un-distracted...I answered him, and stared straight back. I leaned in a little closer, and asked "What in the world are you up to?" He cocked his head and squinted his eyes, but didn't answer. "Why in the world do these people need money"? I restated more clearly. He stared harder, but this time I could see a slight grin move across his lips. I was amusing him on some level, but as he looked deeper into my eyes...trying to figure out exactly who I was...I could feel myself faltering from the trance. I told him so. I said I wanted to continue our conversation, if he'd have me back, and added, "not necessarily to get to the bottom of the money thing, but just for my own self-interest...to sit down and get to better know "The Grinch" of all people...would be incredibly interesting to me". That I'm sure he could fascinate me with what he knew.
Then I bowed out graciously.
We'll see if he has me back?!?
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