Ever Wake up at three o'clock in the morning and have all the answers? I do, did, last night; and it's never a vast encyclopedia...it's just three four simple conclusions. They're gone now, receded/reseeded back into the 'unknown', again.
Is everyone feeling whack or is it just me? Not seriously whacked, more a numbed down version. Sketchy, off-center a little more then (has become) usual. Shit, I don't know. I can't tell anymore how I'm supposed to feel. It's been 'tense' for so long. Thinking about all the people on medication. Thinking about the movie..."Invasion of The Body Snatchers"! Remember in that movie that the only sign for telling if someone wasn't part of the group...was by *emotion*!?!?!
Thinking about the few people left that I know who aren't on some kind of dope, and how it's not just all mental & emotional-biotics & band-aids, but more some cultish religion...with the little mantra so many carry...that works to sign the new recruits. "Try it...You'll like it! It's changed my life!", "Little Johnny has never been such a pleasure to care for"! Yeah, no doubt!
If everyone was stumbling around pushing narcotics, it would be a much different story. I hope! If potheads were walking up to parents in parks & shopping malls, telling the moms of rambunctious kids, "Have I got a solution for you!" I wonder how if it would be seen differently?
The most commonly mentioned side effects for children on anti-"bad" drugs include nausea, loss of appetite and sleeplessness. But they also include raised blood pressure, a risk of epileptic seizures, abnormal heart rhythms, increased risk of suicidal thoughts, and attempted suicide (found in particular with Strattera), hostility, mood swings, and most notably ...the raised risk of psychotic episodes.
"Children aged ten and younger who took ADHD drugs described seeing, for example, polka dot alligators or hallucinated that all their Christmas presents were being stolen by men who broke into their house. The FDA review noted that "in 90 per cent of these cases the patients had no prior history of similar conditions".
Story here
Who's engaging these kids?!? Who do they have to talk to? Bad enough when the average child of the past saw the boogie-monster, or had a nightmare on occassion, but who do they have to share their intense "hallucinations" with now?!?
Mom? Dad? Their Teacher?
Most likely all adults available are too doped up to be concerned, to fully grasp the trauma, fear, and confusion. That's what they're drugs are meant to tune-out!
Isn't that interesting to note though??? That adults are being handed drugs to dope them down, drug them out of any connection with their 6th sense, their intuition, and things 'felt' but not seen, and children are being directly hard-wired in through their given drugs! What kind of unseen situation is that causing? I know.
I know because at the age of six I was directly tapped in (not through medication)...I don't know by what, but there's been no escaping it despite every attempt I've ever tried...and I've tried just about everything I can think of...even suicide (thankfully i guess...unsuccessfully!) I know the implications of seeing shit that you can't explain to anyone; not your parents, not your friends, not the guidance counselor at school. Lack of a good nights sleep is most basic, and most disturbing, when it comes just trying your best to *pretend* like your fitting in to the day-to-day stuff; even though you're entire day is spent dreading the waining sunlight, fearing dinner, fearing the bath, fearing the bedtime story, and the overwhelming illness that over-takes you with that goodnight kiss on the cheek...all those things that become nothing more then steps back into the darkness, and that traumatic underworld where you're a lone survivor amongst the monstrous unknown.
Makes me sad.
I personally didn't have the support I needed (by far) with the Internet nowadays, and all the books, the radio shows, etc. The closest thing I had to clue me into the idea that 'maybe' there was someone else out there like me...were horror movies. Not too comforting, but at least someone was seeing what i was seeing, but they weren't available to talk to. I was labeled everything imaginable; all in the negative. Because I haven't had a decent nights sleep since the age of six...basically my entire life I've been tired & stressed, but in other peoples eyes it's been "lazy, lethargic, spacey, a slacker, an underachiever, a procrastinator, a rebel, a drama-queen, a depressive, an attention starved, unrealistic, irresponsible mess...in general. yada yada yada!
All I ever got for compassion, interest, or support was that I should be in therapy, live in a institution or group home, go on disability, and take lots of medication. That's always nice, coming from your parents; the two people who are supposed to go out of their way to understand! My mother's been on anti-depressants for as long as I can remember, on top of various self-medications...so the solution for me (from her) was always simple...even though they didn't/don't seem to do much good for her. My father wasn't anymore original. He too, (now) is on anti-anxiety medication, saying that he "hasn't felt better since he was 35". Suddenly he's no longer obsessed with death! :? That's nice, but it doesn't make me feel anymore comfortable. It still makes me wonder what the fuck is going on with the world!!!
I tried therapy, but it was simple-stupid stuff. It has done it's part to convince me (on one hand) that the basics are important. Eat balanced meals regularly, keep up personal hygiene, exercise daily, drink plenty of water, and try and get eight hours sleep a night, and...keep small realistic goals! I've tried meds as well. Zoloft, Paxil, Remeron, to name a few. All prescribed without knowing anything about my 'particular' situation. I'm sure if I would have mentioned, "interaction and dialog with parasites, demons, little gray men, and dead people"...I would have gotten much different pills! Drugs are not the answer!!! I *need* to keep my wits about me at all times! That's not paranoia either, that comes from an entire life of being 'stalked'.
Anyway...things I'll have to look into more.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Millie from Mars
not much need to explain this post. basically just the idea of 'hybridization' & upgrading of humans through the addition of 'alien' d.n.a. found this link, and the picture caught my eye (although it's just a rendition)...it was too close to not play with it a bit. i didn't do anything except change the skin color, shave off some hair on the head, and add the big eyes. the article does mention that they're confused about this skeleton pre-dating "lucy", and the fact that the legs are longer on the older specimen. anyway...just having fun.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Too outside the box for the Astral?!?
Last night while doing some out-of-body work I was ushered into a check-up. Check-ups are pretty regular thing for me, though not as frequent as they once were. There was the typical entourage, with one head figure in charge. The majority of these check-ups are with 'human-like' beings, can't say for sure if they are or not. I haven't decided yet if they're 'humans-in-the-know', or the 'ones' involved in the genetic upgrading?!? (cast in their image)?!? also have some ideas about higher versions of ourselves, but i won't get into that now.
The check-ups that I've been receiving lately are in small dark rooms (compared to the massive, white, assembly line type operations of the past; these are quite, intimate, and oddly enough with a 'waiting room' area, as they were only working on one person at a time. They ran some scanners over me, but mostly it was a briefing or orientation of what was to follow. They said that I would receive a 'shot', then travel on my own into another level of my existence where I would get a chance to familiarize myself with the 'set up', and the work to be done..."soon".
They were all Asian...did I mention that?!?
The only other experience I've had with the Asians was on Mars; or should I say...under Mars?!?
One man spoke to me, while four others continued to scan, and massage my body. I assume to get my circulation moving. I'll mention once again that I'm *incredibly* LUCID when out of body or asleep...and...just as CAUTIOUS about my personal space! I was highly concerned about this "shot"! I said I didn't want it, but more I wanted a better explanation of what it was. The guy in charged wouldn't answer, seemed too busy with other matters. The assistant (nurse) did take the time to give me a little more information...saying that the shot allowed me into a specific realm that was typically off-limits, that it would allow me into another body that was 'mine', but not currently in use. She was speaking as if I'd be familiar with this body, that "I'd remember" it. At the last minute she added something about 'coming back', and that it was dependent on me; making it sound like it was possible for me to sub-consciously agree to stay...or rather, get so involved that I forgot to return. Same difference! I didn't like that part...and insisted that she bring me back "out" after a time. She smiled as if that was an impossibility.
"It's all up to you", she grinned sweetly.
Then the doctor guy reappeared with the shot...by then I was too exhausted to fight. I could have jolted myself back into body, but...I was intrigued.
The next thing I knew everything was black, and I was weightless. As things came into focus I found myself on some strange hover-craft/space-bullet thing. Like a subway car traveling through a void. I could sense incredible speed, but just sense it. There was nothing to measure it by. Slowly as my eyes readjusted I realized there were others on the car. Children, ranging in age from around 9 to 18, maybe. Young in comparison to myself, although age is fairly irrelevant when we're speaking "new" bodies (or bodies on reserve).
The other's were talking amongst themselves, and watching me from the other side of the car. I couldn't interact, nor did I have an interest in doing so. I was trying my best to adjust to my legs...figuring I must already be in this new body. The car stopped and we were off-loaded at a massive complex with lots of activity, and we were lead inside for another orientation. I seemed to be preoccupied with something in my mouth. Felt like a long, wet, smooth, flat, strip of rubber, but without taste. It was an odd sensation that distracted me completely, as it continued to slide in and out of my mouth as if it were somehow alive (yet not setting off any alarms as dangerous or 'foreign'). I was trying my best to listen to the instructions, which seemed fairly straightforward. I'm sure I missed something! Basically it was...make yourself at home and explore at will. Everyone broke up and went in their own directions. I was stuck in front of a mirror I'd found...staring at myself. My NEW self!
I was reptilian. I don't believe in the typical sense of the word, but I was fully reptilian, or human-reptilian, whichever. I walked on two legs, had regular human hands and feet, but I was covered in scales. My eyes were large, golden orbs with black slits down the center. I had no hair, no ears...and the thing in my mouth...i noticed, was my tongue! Like a snake it just slipped in and out of my mouth of it's own accord. It was pretty amazing.
I was having difficulty in comparison to the others...finding my legs, and finding my way around. It was this on-going science-center type place that appeared have no end in sight. Museum like. I strolled through a room that was filled with representations of various flora and fauna from all over the galaxy (?!?). I recognized some, esp. cactus. I wadded through different passages that represented all the various 'atmospheres'. and I came up upon a room that had live animals. I noticed the dogs first. That's when I noticed that every 'interactive' display, appeared to be more of a test. The dogs immediately reacted to us new comers with aggression. I was the first to step forward, kneel, and hold my hand out in trust. The dogs seemed to follow the reaction of a Doberman, which thankfully was giving me the okay.
There were other animals in the room (birds, snakes, cats)(none were large animals), but I didn't get the chance to interact with any of them, bcuz as I was kneeling down before the alpha dog I noticed strange inscriptions on these sandals I was wearing (that I could read). There was no set uniform for this place. Some of the kids did have uniforms or costumes on, but nothing in association with the complex. I didn't mention that there was all sorts of us. Very mixed. Only some human; others (from what I saw) were gnome like creatures, elfish types, many others mixed between human and animal, some even that were semi-solid. Anyway...the only thing we all had in common was the footwear. The instructions were like buttons to zoom one from one prime location to another. I suppose until the massive complex became familiar. I pressed one of the buttons with my toe, and immediately found myself in a salon or beauty center or sorts. Odd. Pressed another button I was in a communal laundry room place, and once again and I was the other end of the complex....an area that wasn't used much by the new recruits. There was another station for cars coming and going, but this was to even further worlds. The folks that worked at this end seemed to realized I was lost, and called to have me picked up and escorted back from whence I came. They were friendly, and seemed to appreciated having some action taking place in their quiet quadrant.
I wasn't going along easy with all the instruction. I put up an argument about the shot, and was resistant to any sort of system I found myself in the center of. I was questioning the younger ones that were with me, asking them why they believed they were there, and where they were from, what their special skills were, etc. Now, I was speaking to the workers at the 'far end' asking them what they thought about the place, and if they knew anything else about why I was there. They were very cautious about responding.
Next thing I knew I was being ushered by security guards, back to the beginning. We we're picking up other stragglers along the way. I was still at it with the questions; not exactly making jokes about what was going on at the complex, but making light whilst looking for other perspectives, and loosely stitching it all together with some conspiracy. I asked some of the kids if they we're completely trusting as to what was going on...then gave some personal versions of what 'might' be going on. I talked about virtual environments and farming energy, talked about The Matrix, and us as batteries. Get us all together fighting for a cause...a galactic battle of some sort, and really we just all to had to admit that our 'bodies' were elsewhere, and where exactly?!? Trying to pick up if that was a concern to anyone else but me. The next thing I knew another security guard walked up, parting the group as he came, and touched me on the hip with a long night stick (of sorts, except for a glowing, golden tip). There was no sensation, other then being touched, but then the other security guard we were with said, "Are you sure?" to which the second guard responded..."Yep, she's out-a-here". Then it was like a large, thick piece of black glass was placed in front of my view. I could still make out odd shapes and movement, but I'd been cut off from the goings on. Disconnected as easily a flipping a switch....and I was back in my body.
