Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Blue Gods

























I couldn't find any pictures that came anywhere close to what I've seen. This will just have to work as a (very) rough idea.

I made a place outside to take naps in the grass/sun. I've only been out there three times since it warmed it, and all three time I've visited the same place. It's an unbelievably beautiful place...grand beyond imagination. I can't even begin to describe how ornate and intricate a world it is, but similar in idea to those posters Hindu posters of the gods...and I guess that's where I'm visiting, whatever that place is. Not everyone is blue, just the 'significant' folks. I don't know 'a lot' about Hinduism, or Buddhism for that matter...as far as the characters are concerned. But, they seem like nice folks. It's a meld of the two...the are Tibetan looking people, husky, dark, Asian, and those that look east Indian, and then the blues...all different hues of that soft, pearly blue, and dressed in insane get up....again, like the Hindu paintings depict. Everything is lush, and in full blossom. The air is sweet; the sunshine intense. There are also giants.

the first visit I made...I was owned by giant. There were several dozen women shackled in gold to the belt of a giant, and we sat atop an intricately carved structure that resembled a pyramid chopped at the middle (with no top half)....that looked over the land. Not so far away there were other half-pyramids with other giants perched on them....surveying who knows what. I escaped and fled to the sea; a strange sea that was shallow, and above it...on it's surface...traffic moved to and fro between continents. It was a like a parade no one has ever seen. Each vessel a blinding, golden ship, adorned with flowers, spilling with riches...pulled by teams of a thousand white horses, or pink dolphins, or giant elephants that stood fifty feet high. There was music everywhere, and parties floating by in giant lotus blossom. It was really unbelievable...like nothing I've ever witnessed.

Today was a much shorter visit. The sun was blinding (again), and once my eyes were able to adjust I noticed that I was in an expansive rock garden, and before me ...some huge, endless temple carved of stone. Two huge doors swung open and a procession of Tibetan looking monks walked out, followed by the blue gods....6 of them I think. It was hard to see, as the sun was directly in my eyes. They walked down the steps and stood for a moment. Suddenly I felt my body grow rigid...as all my muscles tensed...and spontaneously I began going through these movements like a slow dance...holding each position in a climax of energy, before moving into the next. And, I was floating. I kept raising further off the ground with each motion, till I was hovering about 30 feet. The procession didn't seem to notice me. The walked a small square in the center of the court, and returned inside. I descended about 15 feet, then two men came out of the temple and walked halfway down the stairs....and motioned for me to come closer. I did, still hovering, but face to face on the step they were on. The man in front of me was somewhat plain looking, weathered...and it was hard to tell what he thought. He reached out his hand to take mine, but I was trapped in this odd tantric or prayer position and couldn't move my hands. He noticed this...and reached up to take one of my hands anyway. I mustered enough strength to tap on his with my fingers...to which he smiled, and I smiled back. Then he lit up a joint and took a long inhalation...and then passed it to my lips, where I took a long inhalation to demonstrate some sort of equality. He smiled again...........and then suddenly the sun became too intense, in a brilliant white pulse that knocked me out of the realm and back into my body.

I was hoping to go inside and meet the blue gods, see what was going on inside the temple. :(
Ah well...............next time.

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Strange (different) Out-of-Sortedness...

On the midst of moving shortly...hopefully within the week. I was avoiding it, but now it seems time for a energy change on many levels. I loath moving! Strange for a Gypsy...I know, but at heart I'm really a Nester! Moving stresses me out. But, the end product is always good...a new chapter, a new perspective, a new space, etc. And...it's not like I have a lot to drag around. No furniture to speak of...just a stool I hand-painted that I really love & want to keep with me. At some point I'll post a picture of it...it really is the most beautiful, bestest, old stool ever.

Mostly it's all arts & crafts supplies & product that I have to load up & cart....but only across town. Not too bad. Anyway...moving is just part of it. A logical part. The rest I'm not sure about. It still fits in with that theme of being okay, and not. It's more divided down the middle then I can ever remember, but that's good since in the past it was usually all piled up on the..."Oh woe is me" side. Where despite my optimism...things always felt, somehow...doomed. Dramatics maybe?!? Now it's very different, where most may not notice. Part of it is twisted up in a state of constant, dull anxiety...but beneath that there is resolve. An easy, natural, simple calmness that is slowly beginning to over-ride the rest...rising like the full & fertile spring-tide.

I feel the day to day stress; the frustration, the illogicalness of the sum of things, but no longer does it bubble up inside me, and erupt into melt-down mode....where I lose grip on myself. It is somehow being short-circuited. Something beyond my knowledge is regulating my energy, my emotions are being kept at a distance...too far to go and find. I'm looking to find a reason for it...something simple, like making more money, or feeling more secure...but there's nothing like that. I haven't fallen in love where the world has shifted into rosy-hue. I haven't reached any goals that would lead me to easing up on myself. It's all the same-old, same-old, and then again it's not!

It's been a long time since "answers" concerned me; since I needed it all to make sense...despite it never having made any! Before, maybe it was more something I had to 'accept'...with lack of elder-wisdom, and guidance. Lack of those about me...who could "see" clearly, and aid me in developing my own self-sufficiency and understanding. Now, it's not even a concern...this "lack of things". It's so beyond that...that I wonder what "that" was? Nothing may be in place for me on a material level, but it very much feels like everything is in place on another level. Or...near about everything. It's all coming into alignment...and not in that new-age sense. This is huge. Infinite. And.....there's no arguing with it. No confusion. No comments necessary on my part. I'm riding in my tiny boat...being swept out to sea...into something far beyond, and there is no fear there. I'm drifting out of fear. I'm drifting out, away from the old paradigm of things....to the new world.

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Thursday, April 10, 2008

Podcast 2 (Archons, Lucid Dreaming & more ramblings)



Still so very lame, but...fun...in a way. I don't do a lot of stuff for myself that's fun. It's all very much, nose pressed against the workbench, sewing machine, or monitor. I'm able to see clearly where this is actually something healthy for me...these podcasts. I get to work on my throat chakra, and the ridiculousness of self-doubt, and inhibitions. I get the opportunity to just place myself out there...for no reason. And...the lack of feedback is great! Nothing at all "exterior" for me to deal with. For now.

Anyway...mostly I wanted to share my experience & wisom with the podcasting. Not sure I'm doing that yet? For now...it's like a therapeutic, pre-establishing thing for myself. I've moved so far away from defining things....everything has become so murky, and un-confined for me. I have a difficult time saying it's "good", but it is NEW...all this strangeness of having to use words, and contain stuff in points, thoughts, theories. More of an experiment for me. Not to mention lots of experiment with the software!!! Not of very good quality, these podcasts.....ah well. too bad I guess :/

Still not sure any of it is worth listening to............yet. ;)

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